Thursday, June 27, 2013

Let's Talk Addiction....


Such a nasty little word. A word that can mean so many things.

Addicted to Facebook.
Addicted to sugar.
Addicted to soda.
Addicted to chips.
Addicted to smoking.
Addicted to sex.
Addicted to alcohol.
Addicted to illegal drugs.
Addicted to legal drugs.
Addicted to perfection.
Addicted to <insert your addiction here>

I have an addicted personality. I easily get sucked in to all sorts of things. Usually I am pretty good about breaking those addictions. Something's on the other hand are not so easy.

For me it could be as simple as finding a new breakfast food and only eating that every single day for 3 months. Or it could be as complicated as taking sleeping pills for over 6 years or the alcoholic I became or the stupid stupid cigarettes that I smoke. Or even a bigger one, FOOD. Yep, I am addicted to food. But that's a whole other post.

Throughout my life (all 33 years of it) I have dabbled in so many things. I have done so many drugs. Not even my closest friends and family know that extent of what I have tried. And, nope, not going to put the list on here. Luckily, I am done and have been done for many many years with illegal drugs.

Let's talk prescription drugs and alcohol. That is a whole different story.

Prescription drugs. hmmmmm, that is such an easy one to score. And if you have an addictive behaviors you have to be REALLY careful. Yep, I am talking pain pills and Xanax type pills. They take all pain away. They take your emotions away. They make like easy to deal with. And that is why I cannot take them. I cannot take them because I will become addicted. I have not become addicted but I can definitely see the potential. When I am sick or hurt (like ER), I let them give me something ONLY in the ER. I will not be sent home with prescriptions for these drugs. Even at my family doctor I will not be sent home with these drugs.

It's so hard to stay away from this. So incredibly hard. Yes, I will admit I have called people I know and got some of these drugs. Yep, it was not cool. Sometimes I crave the relaxing feeling so bad. I crave the "out of my own mind" experience. I think how much easier my day to day life would be.

I pray constantly about this. Like a couple times a day. I need constant help. I need constant accountability.

Let's move on to alcohol. I really hate talking about this. I will make this short and sweet. I had a drinking problem. A big one. I didn't like it anymore. I didn't like feeling horrible all the time. I didn't like all the money I spent. I did not like all the sneaking. I did not like all the driving while intoxicated. One day I decided to open up about it to the women in my bible study. I decided I was going to pray about it. With me praying and with those women praying for me, I conquered this addiction. I totally kicked it's ass.

With that being said, yes, I still drink. No, I do drink a lot. As a matter of fact it has been months since I've had a drink. It's not because I have anything against it. It's because I don't feel a "NEED" to drink anymore. I will have a cocktail every now and then but I don't need to have one.

And I did not do this on my own. By myself I do not have this much power. It was ALL God. Yep. It sure was. ALL GOD! I could write a whole post on this, maybe one day I will.

On to my last addiction and also my current addiction. Sleeping pills. Prescription and over-the-counter. It stated the day Chase was born. I really don't know what happened. The whole hospital stay I did not sleep for more then an hour at a time. Chase was born at 5:39pm. That night after Matt had left I remember having a huge breakdown. I cried so loud. So loud it got the nurses attention through the closed door. I guess I was scared about having a 4 1/2 year old, an 11 month old and a new born. Well, anyways, the nurse came in and I was pretty much hysterical at that point. She had to call a doctor because I would not be consoled. The doctor prescribed Zofran and Ambien. Guess what?? Still didn't fall asleep.

2 days after Chase and I got out of the hospital I went and saw my OBGYN. They prescribed Valium and Ambien. The Ambien was working great. I was sleeping at night. However, I was also sleep eating. NOT COOL YO!! I decided to take things into my own hands. I started alternating between NyQuil and Tylenol PM. I did this for over 6 years. I was drinking about 1/3 of a bottle of NyQuil or 6-8 Tylenol PM's.

I tried every now and then to sleep with out help but it was always a failure, always. I would be up till 5-6-7 in the morning. Horrible insomnia. So back to the pills I went. I have spent ALOT of money over the past 6 years. I mean ALOT of money.

As of today, June 27th, 2013 I have been sleeping pill free for 38 days. 38 days does not seem like a long time but when you've had a 6 year addiction, 38 days is very long. I'll admit, I have laid here and stared at the bottle. I laid here and told myself that it would be ok just to take 2. I have made up all kinds of things in my head. But ya know what?? Not once have I actually taken anything in 38 days. 38 days.

I will keep going. I have already overcome some pretty harsh addictions. I will continue to work on the rest of them. I will continue to pray that God gives me the courage, the strength and the grace I need. And I KNOW he will. Look where he has gotten me this far.

So if anyone out there would like to help me through these next few addiction, please pray for the following:

Foul Language
The need to have a prefect house

If you could help me by praying for these few things it would mean the world to me and my family. I say my family because ALL of the above things directly effect them.

Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to open up and he honest about this. It takes a weight off my shoulders just to be able to open the doors.

And please, I am only asking for encouragement. if you have something nasty to write or say, please go somewhere else. It is not wanted or needed here.

Love you all!!


Debbie Ring said...

Girl,thank you for your honesty and ability to just be real! I love how Jesus talks about bringing things into the light, when we do the darkness is removed and His light, His healing light is revealed! YOU are living proof of that!! I love you!!!