Sunday, April 22, 2012

Welcome to my life. This weekend has been so craptastic. It's been so bad that I seriously cannot put into words.

I am just so over certain things in my life but those things are constantly being put right in my face.

I know it sounds like I'm just being a whiny baby, but whatever, I just don't care anymore. I got problems, you got problems and you know what....I am just sick and tired of it all. I am sick and tired of just putting them in the back of my mind and I'll deal with them later. I am sick of not sticking up for myself regardless of who or what has hurt me.

I am just so over it. I demand respect. I demand to be treated like a human being. I will stop being the girl who every one dumps on ALL THE TIME.

These people will be out of my life faster then I can type this sentence.

I am sorry I am unable to please everyone all the flippin time. It just ain't gonna happen. Nope. And I'm going to be selfish for once in my life and I am going to try and make me happy. You don't like it? Well then quit reading my blog. For real. I have been hurt enough in this past weekend to last me a year. Seriously, it was like 6 different things this weekend. I'm done.

So stinking tired of being a walking dormat for everyone. So tired.

Oh, and my kids will come first. They will always come first. So I am sorry I did not invite you to my daughter's birthday party (because I invite you every year and you never come so this year I saved a stamp) and you call me a "bitch". Nice, real classy. Real freakin classy. And please, please continue to talk nasty about me to other friends and family cause one day it's gonna bite you back. Karma's a bitch....oh wait, apparently so am I. How sweet!!!

I know I am not perfect and I have NEVER pretended to be. I have problems and issues just like everyone else. One thing different about me is I lack the ability to keep quiet about them. In the past 10 years or so I have been an open book. That makes some people very uncomfortable. But whatever, that's me. I spent so much my 31 years here on earth hiding so much and years ago I decided not to. So yeah, I post way to much stuff on Facebook, I blog about private things. But for me this is who I am. If I am dealing with something I'm going to talk about it. And 99% of the time there is someone out there that has some really damn good advice. And had I not spoken about my issue, I may not of received that awesome advice.

And just to add, most of the time I do not give names of friends or family whom I have issues with. My intent is for me to openly deal with the issues, not to start new ones. As you can see from my last 100 or so post I rarely speak about someone directly (haha..ok, twice I did, once about my ex brother in law and once about my ex husband)/ Out of 100 posts I spoke about TWO people directly. So whatever. And yes, I know that was so 1990.

Ugh!! I am so fed up right now. I want certain people in my life to back off and take care of their own crap and leave me and my kids alone.

I wish I could go more into detail about what's going on but I don't do that. Because it's wrong to publicly state someone else's wrong doings.....hint hint.

So today I am praying for peace. I need peace to wash over my body. I need to focus on the good things in my life and know that life is going to go on. I need peace to wash over me for all the relationships that were broken this weekend. I need peace to have this sick feeling washed out of me. Me and my kids ARE going to come out on top.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Something New....

I think it's time to talk about something new around here.

I know.....let's talk about how I started running. No, that is not a typo. I seriously started running.

I have not ran since sometime in 2001, for reals. And back then when I did run it was mandatory because of the Army and I still ran REALLY bad. Like 2 miles in 17 minutes. That was my best run ever. And considering the max time I had is 17:58, it was still bad.

This time my running is not mandatory, well, kinda. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that in high school I was tall and thin. I stayed that way pretty much until I got pregnant in 2001 with Emma. I took the whole eating for 2 waaaaaaaaayyyyyy to far. So I gained approx 130 lbs while pregnant. Yes, seriously. I remember I had a Mother / Daughter banquet 18 days after she was born and I had nothing to wear so I had to go buy new pants and they were a size 22. A freakin size 22.  That was so not cool.

So to make a long story really short, I worked on weight loss for a long time but it was hard BUT as I was going through my divorce in early 2004 I lost pretty much the rest of it. And it felt good and I looked good.

In 2005 I got married and got pregnant again. I gained a little weight but I was cool with it. I still looked pretty good. So I gave birth to Landon and right away I started Weight Watchers. I did really good and got back to the weight I was when I married (for the second time).

Well, then I got pregnant again when Landon was 9 weeks old and it was reliving my Emma pregnancy over again. I was addicted to a triple layer homemade chocolate cake from a local diner here. One huge piece EVERY night for at least 6 months. I bet you can guess where this is going.

So I gave birth to Chase and my weight was not too bad. I had about 40lbs to lose but really not that bad.  So instead of losing the baby weight I gained almost 50 more lbs!!! Chase is now 5 1/2 and I weigh 50 lbs more now then the day I delivered him.

Soooooo, it's time to make a change. I need to get healthy. I need to lose weight. I need to be able to ride a bike more then 4 houses down. I need to be able to make in around the rink at least once on roller skates. I need to show my kids a healthy life style.

Now is the time. I started the Couch to 5K program almost a week and a half ago. I have ran more in 4 short runs then I have ran in over 10 years. I am watching what I eat and counting calories. I am doing awesome. I am not really doing a "diet" but just watching what I eat and not going over the set amount of calories. I make sure that I get some sort of workout in every day.

I'm also doing this smart. I am setting realistic calorie and weight loss goals for myself. I am doing this slow so I can keep off the weight.

My ultimate goal is to lose 100 lbs. So far (one week weigh in), I lost 9 lbs. I am only 31 lbs away from my first goal and I still have over 7 months to get there!!!

I am just so excited to get to the point of running an actual 5K. Who knows, maybe after that I will do the 5K to 10K program.

Wish me luck and say lots of prayers!!!