Thursday, June 27, 2013

Let's Talk Addiction....


Such a nasty little word. A word that can mean so many things.

Addicted to Facebook.
Addicted to sugar.
Addicted to soda.
Addicted to chips.
Addicted to smoking.
Addicted to sex.
Addicted to alcohol.
Addicted to illegal drugs.
Addicted to legal drugs.
Addicted to perfection.
Addicted to <insert your addiction here>

I have an addicted personality. I easily get sucked in to all sorts of things. Usually I am pretty good about breaking those addictions. Something's on the other hand are not so easy.

For me it could be as simple as finding a new breakfast food and only eating that every single day for 3 months. Or it could be as complicated as taking sleeping pills for over 6 years or the alcoholic I became or the stupid stupid cigarettes that I smoke. Or even a bigger one, FOOD. Yep, I am addicted to food. But that's a whole other post.

Throughout my life (all 33 years of it) I have dabbled in so many things. I have done so many drugs. Not even my closest friends and family know that extent of what I have tried. And, nope, not going to put the list on here. Luckily, I am done and have been done for many many years with illegal drugs.

Let's talk prescription drugs and alcohol. That is a whole different story.

Prescription drugs. hmmmmm, that is such an easy one to score. And if you have an addictive behaviors you have to be REALLY careful. Yep, I am talking pain pills and Xanax type pills. They take all pain away. They take your emotions away. They make like easy to deal with. And that is why I cannot take them. I cannot take them because I will become addicted. I have not become addicted but I can definitely see the potential. When I am sick or hurt (like ER), I let them give me something ONLY in the ER. I will not be sent home with prescriptions for these drugs. Even at my family doctor I will not be sent home with these drugs.

It's so hard to stay away from this. So incredibly hard. Yes, I will admit I have called people I know and got some of these drugs. Yep, it was not cool. Sometimes I crave the relaxing feeling so bad. I crave the "out of my own mind" experience. I think how much easier my day to day life would be.

I pray constantly about this. Like a couple times a day. I need constant help. I need constant accountability.

Let's move on to alcohol. I really hate talking about this. I will make this short and sweet. I had a drinking problem. A big one. I didn't like it anymore. I didn't like feeling horrible all the time. I didn't like all the money I spent. I did not like all the sneaking. I did not like all the driving while intoxicated. One day I decided to open up about it to the women in my bible study. I decided I was going to pray about it. With me praying and with those women praying for me, I conquered this addiction. I totally kicked it's ass.

With that being said, yes, I still drink. No, I do drink a lot. As a matter of fact it has been months since I've had a drink. It's not because I have anything against it. It's because I don't feel a "NEED" to drink anymore. I will have a cocktail every now and then but I don't need to have one.

And I did not do this on my own. By myself I do not have this much power. It was ALL God. Yep. It sure was. ALL GOD! I could write a whole post on this, maybe one day I will.

On to my last addiction and also my current addiction. Sleeping pills. Prescription and over-the-counter. It stated the day Chase was born. I really don't know what happened. The whole hospital stay I did not sleep for more then an hour at a time. Chase was born at 5:39pm. That night after Matt had left I remember having a huge breakdown. I cried so loud. So loud it got the nurses attention through the closed door. I guess I was scared about having a 4 1/2 year old, an 11 month old and a new born. Well, anyways, the nurse came in and I was pretty much hysterical at that point. She had to call a doctor because I would not be consoled. The doctor prescribed Zofran and Ambien. Guess what?? Still didn't fall asleep.

2 days after Chase and I got out of the hospital I went and saw my OBGYN. They prescribed Valium and Ambien. The Ambien was working great. I was sleeping at night. However, I was also sleep eating. NOT COOL YO!! I decided to take things into my own hands. I started alternating between NyQuil and Tylenol PM. I did this for over 6 years. I was drinking about 1/3 of a bottle of NyQuil or 6-8 Tylenol PM's.

I tried every now and then to sleep with out help but it was always a failure, always. I would be up till 5-6-7 in the morning. Horrible insomnia. So back to the pills I went. I have spent ALOT of money over the past 6 years. I mean ALOT of money.

As of today, June 27th, 2013 I have been sleeping pill free for 38 days. 38 days does not seem like a long time but when you've had a 6 year addiction, 38 days is very long. I'll admit, I have laid here and stared at the bottle. I laid here and told myself that it would be ok just to take 2. I have made up all kinds of things in my head. But ya know what?? Not once have I actually taken anything in 38 days. 38 days.

I will keep going. I have already overcome some pretty harsh addictions. I will continue to work on the rest of them. I will continue to pray that God gives me the courage, the strength and the grace I need. And I KNOW he will. Look where he has gotten me this far.

So if anyone out there would like to help me through these next few addiction, please pray for the following:

Foul Language
The need to have a prefect house

If you could help me by praying for these few things it would mean the world to me and my family. I say my family because ALL of the above things directly effect them.

Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to open up and he honest about this. It takes a weight off my shoulders just to be able to open the doors.

And please, I am only asking for encouragement. if you have something nasty to write or say, please go somewhere else. It is not wanted or needed here.

Love you all!!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Gone Fishing.......

My dad was not around when I was growing up. My grandpa stepped up to the job. From my earliest memories I remember being with my grandparents. They molded me, they helped me grow up. Most of my best memories are with them.

My fourth birthday

I have no idea when this was. I just remember he used to take naps on the floor all the time. I would lay with him most times.

Taking me, my sister and my brother for a ride.

I think this was the summer I was turning 1.

One of my most favorite pictures!

My grandparents 25th wedding anniversary. Obviously I wasn't there but I am sure it was a special day!

They drove all the was to Missouri to visit me when I graduated basic training.
This was printed after he passed away.

Not sure how old he was in the photo, but he was sure a handsome man.
My grandpa passed away May 18, 2011. He has been gone just over 12 years. Some days if feels just like yesterday. Some days I can't breathe. I miss him terribly.
My grandpa was an avid fisherman. We (him, me, numerous family members) were always out fishing. Some days it was only an hour and some days it was many hours.
He taught me how to fish. He taught me how to bait the hook, how to cast, how and when to reel it in. he taught me everything he could.
I have not been fishing since he died. I haven't even taken our kids. My kids are 11, 7 and 6 and have never been fishing.
I just can't do it. It hurts to much. I really want to but I just can't. What if I take them and I can't remember how to fish? Do you know how disappointed my grandpa would be? All that time he spent teaching his kids and grandkids to fish and what if I forgot? I couldn't do that to him.
Ugh. Between his death anniversary, Father's Day and his birthday (August 9th), it makes for a couple hard months. Summers were always busy and fun and filled with so much laughter.
Oh, how I wish my kids could of met him. I know they would love him and he would love them. I can see him now cracking jokes at them, yelling at them for being loud. All the stuff he used to do to me. They would of had the best relationship. I just know it. I just know it.
It has gotten easier over the past 12 years but summers are still tough.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Finally - the LAST part of Vacation!!!

Sorry it took so long to finish getting my vacation all posted. Ever since we got back we have been busy busy busy. And starting next month life gets even crazier and busier. All 3 kiddos start sports and of course it's 3 different teams which means 3 different practice schedules, 3 different weekly games and one mom going mucho loco (hubby works 2nd shift). But enough about all that, that post will come soon enough...LOL

Day SEVEN - Thursday
Today is the day we moved om from Alabama to Gaitlinburg, TN. I woke up early and hit a thrift shop with my Aunt Shirley. We hadn't spent much time together because it was just a crazy crazy week. It was nice just to talk and shop.

After I got back we packed up and headed on out. We left around noon (which is 1 pm in Tennessee time). We arrived in Pigeon Forge, TN at the hotel right about 6 pm. Not too bad of a drive.

Upon arrival we checked in. We rested. We ate massive amounts of pizza and garlic roll thingy. It was awesome.

We let the kids swim in a teeny tiny pool for a little bit then decided to head out for some ice cream.

Finally, after all that - BED TIME!!! YEAH!!!

Day EIGHT - Friday
Boy oh boy, today was a BIG day!! I will try and keep it within a paragraph or two!
Started off with some swimming in the teeny tiny pool, followed by getting dressed and ready and heading out to Gaitlinburg for whatever.

We started off by driving around looking and looking for parking and none of us had cash. Quick stop at the ATM, then park and finally we hit up the Ober Tram. This tram takes you waaaaaay up high in the mountains. Yep, I almost lost my lunch.

We walked around up on the mountain (they have shops and food), ate some lunch and headed back down. The ride down was MUCH more scary then the way up. I thought I was going to have a full blown panic attack. Luckily I was able to talk myself down.

After that we decided to walk around. There is soooo much to do and see. We started off by sampling some moonshine. They were tiny little sample cups but when you sample like 10 different flavors it adds up. Oops.

Here is the picture of all of us!

Taking the Tram up...waaaaaaay up

Lunch in the Smokies

Sampling some FREE whiskey!

And here we are sampling the FREE moonshine then proceeded to buy the peach and the regular - YUMMY

Another picture of the moonshine - this stuff was soooooo good!

We walked around a few more hours spending uber amounts of money (huge tourist trap, but so worth it)

After we were done we headed back to Pigeon Forge for dinner. We ended up going to the most horrible Hibachi place - oh well, you live, you learn. 

After that the kids were BEGGING us to do the go-carts (again more $$$). We did. It ended up being one of the most favorite parts of this part of the trip. I am sooo glad we decided to do it.

Daddy and Chase getting ready for me to beat them!! (although it ended up I was the very slowest)

Day NINE - Saturday
Going HOME day!!!

We left the hotel around 11 am after letting the kids get in one last swim.

We headed to Bristol, TN to have lunch with my cousin Joe and his family. We got there about 1 pm and had grilled cheese with BACON, basically so much bacon you could of called them Grilled Bacon Sandwiches...LOL

After lunch Joe took us on a quick car trip to check out the city. It was so cool driving in Bristol, TN then turning around and driving down the other side of the road in Bristol, VA. He took us to the Bristol Speedway and Thunder Valley. We also got to check out the Holsten Dam area. It was so pretty and so calm (except for me freaking out that one of the kids was going to fall and get hurt).

After that we finally headed to our final destination - HOME!!

The trip took just over 8 hours because we stopped for dinner and then as soon as we hit Ohio I had to drive through some of the worst rain I had ever driven in. It was horrible, but we survived.

We had such a great vacation!! I loved spending time with my loved ones. I can't wait till our next VACATION!!!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Vacation - Day 4-6

I'm back to bring you vacation days 4-6!!!

And here we goooooo!!!!!

Day FOUR - Monday

Today was a HOT day!!! Well, we are in Alabama so of course it's hot.

We got a slow start to the day. We chilled around and drank coffee and that sort of thing. We spent awhile figuring out who was going to be doing what since there was so much of my family in Alabama this week.

It was decided that a bunch of us would go to Mt. Cheaha and the rest would go tubing on my uncle's boat.

Mt. Cheaha was really a fantastic place. We climbed up the mountain to the highest point in Alabama. A certain cousin of mine said it would be perfectly fine to wear flip flops because the hike was not that long. Um, yeah right. I think I almost died like 10 times. After we hiked to the highest point, the kids took off hiking and of course we had to follow. At some point I thought that we were going to far down the mountain. Yep, I was right. I about died of an asthma attack trying to hike back up the mountain in flip flops. Oh, and something big and black bit my foot. It hurt. That is all.

After the hike, we took a minute and ate our picnic lunch while the children ran around like a bunch of crazy people. After lunch the guys and gals went our separate ways. My cousin, Kim, and I took my boys and her boys down to the lake to swim and do the playground thing. The "men", Matt, Dave, Joe and Zane went off to shoot some guns and stuff.

After all the extreme hiking in flip flops, I was ready to chill. And we did just that. We headed over to my aunt's house and had a cookout. It was nice, relaxing and best of all in the air conditioner.

This is the hike as we were just starting.

Almost the whole family (Emma went tubing). Highest point in Alabama

I am in LOVE with this picture of Matt. So in love.

Right before we headed off to hike. Had i known what I was getting myself into I would of turned around. LOL

Dave put a snake skin on me and I almost died. For real. 

The boys climbing rocks and trying to give me a heart attack.

Day FIVE - Tuesday

ANNIVERSARY DAY!!!!!! YEAH! Matt and I made it 8 years without committing murder!!! That is such an accomplishment. Seriously.

We had a very laid back day. It was kinda awesome. We spent a relaxing morning just chilling around the house drinking coffee. Since it was our anniversary we decided to go out for lunch. Dave offered to watch the kids and of course they wanted to stay so it was just Matt and I. We went to a chain restaurant where we had the worst lunch ever. EVER. It was so bad that all we could do was laugh. We asked for soup, we got salad, I ordered one thing, she brought me something totally different. Just a crazy messed up meal.

Next we decided to check out the Bass Pro Shop. We were only able to stay about 15 minutes because I kind of mixed medication that I shouldn't of. I didn't know they could interact but they sure did. Matt practically carried me out because I was pretty much unable to walk.

We headed home and I headed into the bedroom to lay down for awhile. I guess that did the trick. By dinner time I was up and feeling much better.

We got a sitter for all the kiddos and headed out to a local Mexican place for dinner. Just me, Matt, Kim and Dave. It was so nice, quiet and relaxing. We ate, we drank, we came home.

Before we left we told the kids if they cleaned up all the toys we would have smores and that's precisely what we did. Ate smores among all the the bugs. EWE!!

The only picture I took today.

Our 8 year Anniversary photo (yes, I know it was from the day before but oh well, close enough)

Day SIX - Wednesday

Another relaxing chill kind of day.
Me and the family went back to Bass Pro Shops since my visit was cut short the day before. This time ALL the kids went and Dave and his boys. We had such a great time just browsing and looking at all the animals.
After that we hit up the outlet malls. Momma got a new Coach purse (sorry, forgot to take a picture).
All the kids got a bunch of new books.
Then we went to lunch. We went to lunch at one of my favorite places, Cracker Barrel....yumm!!!!
After that we went and spent some time with my aunt and uncle. My uncle took my boys and Matt on the boat and let them drive it. They were in heaven. I stayed back and spent some time with my aunt and my cousin, Megan.  We gabbed, we shopped.
***This whole time in Alabama has been completely different then back in Ohio. Life seems to be slower. People are VERY friendly, even the employees at WalMart seem to like it. Everyone called me "sweetheart" or "baby" or the dreaded "ma'am". That one was the hardest to get used to. Can't say that I ever did get used to it.
Well, that's enough for up in the end of our vacation in Gatlinburg, TN!!!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Vacation - Day 1 to Day 3

Time for a vacation recap!!! This year we decided to travel down to Alabama with a stop in Bristol, TN and Gatlinburg, TN.

And here we go!!!

Day ONE - Friday

Today was the kids last day of school!!! YEAH!!!! (sorta..LOL)

The kids got home from school and we took off!! We left here about 345pm and had a very uneventful drive to Bristol, TN to my cousin, Joe's, house. We got there around 1015pm. We chit chatted, ate some Taco Bell (classy) and headed off to sleep.

Day TWO - Saturday

Today we headed to ALABAMA!!! We left Joe's house around 1045 and ended up at my cousin Kim's house around 3pm. Right after we got there we headed out for her kids birthday parties are a jumpy / gymnastics place. It was so much fun for everyone!!

After that we chilled at Kim and Dave's house where they showed us around the grounds and told us all about the really fun fire ants. I was pretty much terrified at this point to even go in the grass.

The rest of the night we just chilled with family and had some fun and let the kids play and play.

Day THREE - Sunday

Today we had the pleasure of going on a river boat on the Coosa River. My aunt and uncle reserved it for just our family. We packed some lunch and some drinks and headed on out!!

The family had a great time catching up. The little cousins had a great time playing. And the little cousins all got to drive the big boat.

After the boat ride we got all packed up and headed out swimming with a bunch of us. Again, the kids had an absolute blast.

Later that night we chowed on some AMAZING pulled pork that Dave had smoked earlier that day. It was beyond delicious!! I ate probably waaaaay to much. Oh well, as my friend Jordan would say "YOLO!!!!"

Chase also got his FIRST motorcycle ride today. After he was done Dave came over and said that Chase was whispering in his ear the whole time "this is awwwwesome"  It's great to see him so excited.

Well, that's it for today. I have a ton more pictures that I could put in here but I don't want to overload everyone. LOL Tomorrow Day 4 - 6!!!
Goodnight y'all......