Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 - My Year in Review....(also my 100 post!!!)

This year has had it's share of up and downs. Just going to briefly recap my year from month to month.....and here we go!!!

January 2011 - I never did like January very much...too much holiday let down. The coolest and best thing that happened this month is that I was baptized on January 30th. It was the most AMAZING expierence. On the flip side of that, we invited my family, Matthew's family and some of our closest friends, I was a little disappointed when only Matthew's family showed and non of my friends or my family. I was just happiest having Matt and my kids there to witness it.

February 2011 -BORING month.....not much going on at all....oh wait.....just remembered....this is the month I booked our trips to Las Vegas and Florida!!! Made my month!!!! Also got my new lap top this month......oh yeah, forgot another important detail.....this also the month I was fired from my job for doing something stupid. And NO, it wasn't bad at all but I did break company policy and I had to suffer the consequences. Very bad couple weeks. Oh, and I got fired after I booked the non refundable trips to Las Vegas and that was awesome. Well, I guess my February was not that boring!!!

March 2011 - Favorite month of this WHOLE YEAR!!! After almost 6 years, we were finally able to take a honeymoon to the most wonderful place on earth...LAS VEGAS!!! I cannot even begin to tell you what a GREAT time we had. We ate wonderful food, saw amazing shows, won some money on the penny slots, a ton of walking and sight seeing, ordering champagne to our room and just enjoying each other WITH NO KIDS!!!! I cannot wait to go we just got to find someone to watch the kids again...hahahhaha...yeah right.

And then my second trip. I took Landon to Florida to visit my brother and his family for 4 whole days!!! Taking my son on his first plane ride was awesome. (I take one kid to FL every other year so it gives me time with each kid and I get to spend time with my family in FL.) I LOVED spending time with my bro, Gary, and my sis in law, Meagan and my niece and nephew, Melody and little Gary. And I loved the alone time with my boy, Landon.

The ONLY thing I would of changed about all these trips is the timing. We left for Veags on a Saturday night, came home on Wednesday night, left for Florida early Thursday morning and got home late Monday night. If this was all in the same time zone, I think it might of been ok, but Vegas is a 3 hour diffrence and it was a little much for me to handle.

April 2011 -BABY GIRL TURNED 9 YEARS OLD!!!!! I cannot believe it...just yesterday she was born and I was holding her on my chest. She had a great party here at home!!! And of course we cannot forget Easter...we had a wonderful Easter celebrating our Savior, Jesus Christ. Oh, and I can't forget, I started a new job this month (thank GOD I was able to find something VERY quick)!!!

May 2011 - This month my hubby and I celebrated our 6th anniversary. Offically my longest marriage EVER!!! Haha...that was supposed to be funny.....oh well. Since we went to Vegas for our anniversary, we had a low key celebration......we went to dinner at a steak house - with the kids of course. It was so low key...that NO ONE called, texted, emailed, smoke say a simple "Happy Anniversary". Man....that kinda stung. But I got over it and life moved on. I know that I will continue to wish my family and close friends a "Happy Anniversary" on their special day. Now, on the flip side of that, I forgot to call my BFF on her birthday. I know, I know...big hypocrite.....but here's the thing.......the weekend before her birthday she had a girly sleepover where we celebrated her bday. We did games, presents and cake...the whole 9 yards. So when the day of her birthday came, I kind of just forgot because we had already celebrated for her on another day. Man, I felt like crap...I still feel bad about it and it happened in flippin May. I know she is over it. We talked about it and moved on, but it still haunts me, just can't shake it.

And not the bad side of May. This May 18th marked the 10 year anniversary of my grandfather's passing. I still miss him like it was yesterday. I still think about him EVERYDAY. I wish he was here, to see my kids, to see see my life. I miss that man dearly.

Also, May 15th marks the one year anniversary of my dad's passing. Although I wasn't too close to him, I am still sad. I am sad for the things that I will never know and never have. I am thankful for the last rea conversation my dad and I had. He was describing to me about when he met my mother and memories from way back. I feel like I got to know a side of him I have never seen before.

June 2011 - oh happy JUNE!! The weather is nice, trees and flowers are blooming and my brother, Gary and his family have arrived in town to visit!! We hosted a picnic for my family. It was nice to have me, my sister, my brother and my mom all back in one room again (actually it was one "yard" again). Emma was not able to be there because she was hitting the road with her Grandma Pam for a family reunion. Sidebar: This year I have come to realize that even if Emma is not with me and my family, she is with FAMILY. And that is all that matters. I have stopped being greedy and I understand Emma needs time with all members of HER family. thatisall

July 2011 - To kick off the month of July we hosted a 4th of July much fun that I forgot to take ALL the buns out of the freezer...hahahhahaha....dinner was delayed just a little while. This month we just enjoyed the nice summer weather with bike riding, swimming and hanging out with our friends.

August 2011 - FOOTBALL!!! August starts the football season for us. Emma started cheerleading again and Landon was in his first year of flag football. Very exciting and tiring all at the same time. We also celebrated my birthday...the big 31!!! It was low key and I received some awesome handmade cards from my kids. For my birthday weekend (yes, I actually get a whole week!!) we took the kids to Idlewild in PA. It was touch and go with the rain for awhile but ended up being FANTASTIC.

September 2011 - SCHOOLS IN!! Emma started 4th grade, Landon started Kindergarten and Chase entered his last year of preschool. It was bittersweet with the boys....This is the last year I will ever pay for preschool!!

October 2011 - This was a special month for me. I attended the Women of Faith confrence in Pittsburgh, PA October 7 and 8th. I spent 2 days filled with the love of our God and I got to share it with some pretty amazing people who mean so much to me.

November 2011 - BIRTHDAY MONTH!!! Chase turned 5 on November 6th and Landon turned 6 on November 29th. We have a HUGE combined party at our local bowling alley for about 30 of our friends and family. It was a big hit and the LOVED every single minute of it. And of course we cannot forget Thanksgiving. We spent the day running around from one family to another and I really wouldn't have it any other way. I took some great photos of my mother, grandma and my Emma. And to top off Thanksgiving, my bestie, Tara, and I had a marathon shopping trip for Black Friday. We started at 830pm on Thanksgiving and kept going till 8am Friday morning. At that point, I had to drop off something to my ex mother in law. I ended up staying about 2 1/2 hours spending time with her and talking. I was able to say alot of things to her that I have been holding in for so long. She now knows what a big influence she was on me and how much I love her and my ex father in law.

December 2011 - Oh sweet I have waited for so long for you. This December was a magical month. All the decorating, cookie making, Santa trips and spending time with our family, some by blood, others by heart. The most amazing thing about this month was NONE of my kids were in any way sick for Christmas or New Years Eve!!! This has been the first time in 5 long years that NO ONE was sick.

I ended this year feeling incredibly blessed with all the things and people I have in my life. We have the most amazing church family who is there for us and supports us 100%. We are all in good health and both have good jobs. We have a beautiful home to live in (which I called my landlord yesterday and thanked her for allowing us to live in her home).

This year I have made some resolutions, some I will share and some are just for my self.

This year I will cook more....less eating out.

This year we will do something fun once a month.

This year I will blog at least every two weeks, if not more.

This year I will manage my money even better then we did last year. At the end of 2012, we will have at least $2000.00 in a savings account.

This year I will let those people who have touched my life in one way or another know it. I have learned this year, life is short. I want these people to know how much they have changed my life before it's too late.

The rest of my resolutions are just for me. I am choosing not to make them public because they are tough and it is going to be difficult for me, but I will prevail, no doubt.

Thank you all for being a part my life.

Monday, December 5, 2011

I am seriously slacking...

Sorry guys...lots of stuff going on lately.

My life seems to of flipped upside down again and I can't get my head on straight.

Let's go through a summary of things floating around in my life currently:

  • my ex husband is killing me right now (I can't go into it cause I would never bash him online)

  • my current husband is killing me right now (haha, it's ok to laugh) We are just at a place in our marriage where we are just living day to day to get by. It's hard for us to connect and to speak our minds, thoughts and feelings. I am feeling very stuck and lonely right now. And NO, I am not bashing him in anyway. He knows we are going through something. He knows we are trying to work out these kinks. All marriages have's just taking time to work them out. I love him deeply and that will never change. I have no fear of divorcing or anything like that. We just hit an icky place. We are so busy with jobs, the kids, the house, holidays, birthday, etc that it is so hard to find "us" time. And if we do get time, we have to pay to go somewhere and pay for a sitter. And I know there are a ton of free or low cost things we can do but honestly it doesn't work for us. We like to sit down to a nice meal, chit chat and then we usually end of going to Target (yes, you can laugh again) where we walk around, window shop and talk some more. It works for us. Enough about us...lets move on

  • Missing my grandpa and my dad like crazy. Holidays always get to me. Especially Father's Day and Christmas. I have no one to celebrate. (and yes I do celebrate my husband, but this is different) I feel like I have no one to honor for raising me. My grandpa did most of the raising. He was the main father figure in my life. I literally think about him EVERY DAY. I wish I could share things with him, ask him advice, tell him how much my kids take after him. I just miss him so makes my heart hurt. I also miss my dad. He passed away May 15, 2010. It was very sudden. I didn't know him well or even spend much time with him. He spent most of his life addicted to some kind of drug and/or alcohol. I learned it was just in the last year of his life he became clean, got an apartment and started looking for us (me, my brother and sister) I learned that when he died it was quick and he came back drug and alcohol free. I just feel robbed. There was so much time I could of spent getting to know him again. All I have left are memories from when I was a kid and a mental picture of him laying in a casket. Both of those are two very different people. I would of liked to of known the in-between person and the person he was becoming.

  • My wonderful children....who are becoming older right before my eyes. Emma learned all about Santa and the Tooth Fairy and she's getting boobies!! Landon started Kindergarten, Chase is in his last year of preschool.....they are becoming these people, they each have their own personality. I am not doing so well at this mothering thing. I am trying to do right. But in the back of my mind I just feel like a failure. These kids don't come with instruction books ya know.

  • And finally there has been this ever growing journey with Christ. He finally has a secure place in my heart and world. My life is changing so rapidly and yet so slowly. I have lost old friends and have gained new. I have been praying so hard all the time. I am teaching the kids about God and the bible. We are going to church every Sunday. When something bad happens in my life I no longer blame God but I ask him to be with me to get through it. I no longer blame him for things in my life, I thank him. I am thankful for the grace of God. I know that he does not make bad things happen but the bad decisions I make do have consequences. I know in the end it will be God who I report to. I am not perfect and I am still on this crazy journey.

And that about sums everything up. I promise I am going to be better at this blogging thing. I feel better when I write. I just need to do it more often. Thanks all for listening....till next time

(oh, btw, I did spell check on this and I only misspelled ONE word!!! New record for me!!!)