Wednesday, July 28, 2010

One more about my Dad.....just an update

I called the coroners office last Friday to find out my dad's cause of death. After saying a huge long word the ME said that he died from a bad heart. He said that my dad most likely had a heart attack and dies instantly. I think I actually let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't even going to ask about the toxicology report but he brought it up and asked if I would like to know the results.

I think I had about 15 different emotions running through me at the same time. Then I remember saying "sure". He told me at the time of death my dad was NEGATIVE for any drugs and alcohol.

In that moment a wave of relief ran through my body. For the first time in sooooo long, I was proud of of dad. I was happy for him. I was happy he didn't lie. I was happy he was clean. I was actually proud of him. That feeling was great and I am still living that feeling.

So now when anyone has anything crappy to say about my dad I am totally going to throw it in there face. He died a recovering drug and alcohol addict. Not a user, but in recovery.

And yes, I know that my dad was far from perfect. He didn't pay child support, he didn't come to see us, he was in and out of jail, he was homeless that last 5 years or so of his life.....BUT the day my dad died HE WAS CLEAN. And I am allowed to be proud of that.

Monday, July 5, 2010

4th of July Weekend

My family and I had such a wonderful busy weekend. We spent a ton of family time together and did so many things.


  • Doctors appt for me

  • Finally picked up my dads ashes (yes it really did take me that long)

  • Got a pedicure

  • Went to CiCi's for dinner

  • Went and saw Eclipse with my hubby and some great friends


  • Breakfast with my dads brother, Jamie and his wife, then out to there farm house.

  • Hartville Flea Market (crazy busy!!)

  • Car Show at Summit Racing...the boys LOVE to go to Daddy's work. Landon is obsessed with Mustangs even though my husband very much dislikes them.

  • Went out to dinner at Rockne's

  • Played on the Slip N Slide and in the pool

  • Then off to Portage Lakes fireworks where all kids fell asleep one the way home - YEAH!


  • I had to I didn't HAVE to, I chose to. It was a lot of extra money and it was only 8-4.

  • Matt took the kids to church for one of the most amazing services...which I had to miss :(

  • Then off to Downtown Akron for the Rib, White and Blue Festival and Fireworks

And now I am back at work. We are headed out later to do some swimming with some peeps from church and that is ALWAYS a good time.

But for now I will sit here eating my 3rd piece of banana bread thinking about all the amazing people that have been taken out of my life too soon. July 4th always gets to me. Especially since my grandpa died in 2001. My grandma's bday is June 30th and that's when the grieving starts back. It is still weird not to have him here for all these big events and life changes.

And now this year I have my dad to think about. It kind of feels over now. I picked up his ashes and now I am done. What else is there to do? Part of me is relieved that I went and got them. I gave some to my sister and some to my dads brother and I still have to take some to my dads sister. But part of me is sad cause it's all over and everything is done. I really can't explain what I mean, it's just so hard. Life goes on. I will grieve and I will go on.

On to something lighter...the fireworks!!! Akron's fireworks were AMAZING! I always get so emotional when I look at the fireworks and I am hearing all the music and I sit in awe of my family. It's like reality kicks me in the butt every year. They are all mine. There 3 amazing, fearless children are all mine. My adoring husband who looks at me like I am the most beautiful things on this all mine.

I am so blessed to have my family.

I don't say it nearly enough.