Saturday, March 30, 2013

Feeling like a few pictures...

I'll make a whole other Easter post soon but right now I am feeling a little nostalgic. So it's just all pictures. Enjoy!!

Emma - 2005

Emma 2013

Landon 2006
Landon 2013

Chase 2006

Chase 2013
I totally love my family!!!

Friday, March 29, 2013

The time has come to say goodbye.......

Yup, you heard that right. It has come time to say goodbye.

After 15 years the time has come to say goodbye to my tongue ring. 
I got my tongue pierced in December of 1998 right after I got done with my schooling for the Army in Fort Sam Houston, TX. There was about 5 of us who went and had it done. If you know anything about the Army, tongue rings are kind of a NO NO...oops. Rules were not going to stop me (just like usual).

Moving on....I got it pierced and that was that. This same barbell has been part of my life for 15 years. 
It has seen me through relationships, 3 babies, numerous job changes and like a zillion life changes.

I have relied on this barbell to help keep me youthful. As I was getting older and things were changing I always had this in my mouth to show myself that I was still young, that I was not getting old.  For years people have been bugging me to get rid of it. My answer was always the same...ummm, no. I can remember the day I found gray hair on my head. The first thought in my head was "well, you still got your tongue ring". That kept me sane.

I am not even sure if my blog makes sense. Basically I was refusing to get "old". I felt as long as I had my tongue ring, I was still "young". 

I am not quite sure really why I took it out. I just got up one day and did it. I just thought to myself that it was time. I knew I was finally ready.

Now, I know some of you reading this probably think I am just plain nuts and yeah, I pretty much am. It was just something that I was not ready to let go of. It was a part of my youth. A part of me growing up in many different ways. 

I am realizing you do have to let go at some point. And last week some time was my time to let go of my youth, fears, shame, anger, sadness, hurt, bad memories and so much more that I really don't feel like writing about. Now, don't get me wrong I am still plenty youthful (only old people say that). 

I guess life is heading in a different direction and it's just time to move on. I am still ME and I will always be ME. People are constantly changing and evolving. And pretty much everyone is afraid in some way or another of just that. 

I am good. I feel good. I am getting healthy. I am getting my body, mind and soul healthy.

(Oh, and I still have my nose ring, 9 tattoos and blue hair, so I think I am still pretty "youthful")
(Oh, and I have to get another tattoo soon, 9 is an odd number...LOL)

Friday, March 22, 2013


yeah, yeah, I know it's Friday but whatever...I am ALWAYS a day late and a dollar short.

So here is my picture for this week....

This picture was July 4, 2004. Emma had just turned 2 in April and I was just about to be legally divorced.

This summer was a summer of ups and downs. On one hand I felt free and the other I felt my life was spiraling downward.

I lost a lot of friends and family that summer. I lost a husband. I lost a family.

Since then I have grown and learned from my mistakes. Eight years later I am in a totally new place. I have a new husband. I have new kids that I added. I have new friends. I have new family.

But, still, some days I get little pangs of hurt and sadness. My husband, Matt, knows about these. I mourn the life I "thought" I was going to have. I mourn the life Emma could of had with a mom and dad.

Those days continue to get farther in between. I watch Emma grow and I know she is ok. This girl has a heart of gold. I know parents say all the time how great their kids are but Emma is truly my gift.

I could go on and on about all the things my Emma is pretty great for but all of you who know us in real life already know how amazing this kid is.

She is going to change the world some day. Trust me.

Friday, March 15, 2013

#tbt (only a day late)

This is my absolute favorite picture of me and my grandpa. My 4th birthday. I actually don't have to much to say about it, either that or my emotions are running high and I just can't right now.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

#tbt....trying something new

I'm going to try something new for this little ole blog of mine. I am going to start participating in the "throwback Thursday".

Pretty much I am going to post an old picture and a little bit of writing about the picture. I am going to attempt this everything Thursday. Let's just taking bets on how long I will actually keep this up.

So here is my first #tbt

This picture was taken late October 1998. I was a new 18. Blah. Seems so long ago.

I joined the Army Reserves because I knew I was graduating high school soon and I wasn't going to college and I just wasn't sure where my life was headed. Also I wanted to get out of my parents house. HAHA...what 17 year old doesn't want out of their parents home?? So I sat there and thought and thought and thought. The military was a perfect fit. It gave me a home, food and money in my pocket.

So I graduated highschool (barely) in June 1998. I turned 18 in early August and left for basic training mid August.

I spent 8 weeks in Fort Leonardwood, MO. Interesting place....ummm, not. It was really great actually. I learned a ton of new skills. I learned alot about life in general. It was just the kick in the ass I really needed at that point in my life.

Well, graduation was coming up and I was pretty bummed. I heard almost everyone around me talking about their friends and relatives coming in to see them graduate. I knew my mom and siblings would not come (too far, too expensive) and my grandparents weren't sure yet.

I could not have been more excited when they told me they were coming to see my graduate.

My grandma and grandpa drove 12 hours to the middle of no where. They came to all my graduation festivities, took me and some friends bowling and then to Burger King. It was a really great weekend.

It was also a great weekend for me to get homesick. The picture above was taken about 5 minutes before my grandparents left to go back home. I remember we took this picture then I walked with them back over to the car. I asked if they could just put me in the trunk and take me back home PLEASE. And then I started crying. Pretty hard. Of course my grandma and grandpa said "NO". We hugged, said our goodbyes and they were on their way.

I still remember that day so vividly. I had never felt more accomplished because I had just finished basic training. I also never felt more sad because my grandparents left and I was off to Ft. Sam Houston, TX in a few hours.

So there ya have it. There is the story behind the picture. One of my most favorite pictures.