Update on the ADHD situation.....

We have had Landon off of his medication for a lot of the summer. Boy, was that tough. Really tough.

I am not going to bore you with all the reasons we decided that.

We only had one major incident. It was over some pizza rolls. He just lost it. I told him that if he did not eat his dinner then he was not allowed to have a snack later. He ate half his dinner so I compromised and told him that he could have a healthy snack at bedtime. Well, he wanted pizza rolls. I stood my ground. Matt and I have to show him that he does not run this show.

It ended badly. It ended up with flipped furniture, other kids hiding in my room, lots of screaming, lots of crying. Just a complete meltdown....for both of us.

Ended up with me on phone with a friend who works at the local children's hospital, crying and basically freaking out. I had never seen him like this. He was completely crazed. He scared me. He scared the other kids.

All over some damn pizza rolls.

And NO, I could not give in to him. I have done too much of that in the past. I have to work on showing him that he DOES have to listen to rules and there ARE consequences for his actions. If I gave in he would just keep expecting me to give in.

Thank goodness school is back in! Landon has been taking his medication every day and he is doing REALLY well! He has a little bit of trouble after school but that's when I make him take his patch off so he can really bring it at football. (The patch takes 2-3 hours we wear off). The patch tends to slow him down, which is of course what we want - just not for FOOTBALL!! WOOHOO!!! So by the time he gets off the bus he is really slow. It makes it hard for him to want to even get ready for practice.

I feel so bad for him. He did ask to be like this. It's so hard to explain to a 7 year old why he has to take medicine every day. A medicine he knows is going to make him not want to eat and tire him down later.

One day he actually asked me if he could have a HUGE breakfast before putting on his patch. He knows he won't be eating much lunch. I just feel for him. I feel bad for our family.

Landon having ADHD does not affect only him. It affects practically everyone he comes in contact with. The whole family dynamic changes. But that's a whole other post...LOL

SO now I leave you with a few recent pictures. Just know that he is doing really good. We are all really good (ummm, yeah, that's pretty much a lie).

This is a pretty normal sight for him. Being a goofball.

This was on our Maid of the Mist boat tour in Niagara Falls.

This is my ultimate new favorite picture of Landon. It's just perfect. This picture represents what I want him to be. This is what I see when I look at him throwing tantrums. This is what I see when I am throwing tantrums because he can't "just listen". 

It's all going to be OK. This experience is all part of bigger plan. What that plan is, well, I'm just not sure. We are putting our faith in God and going with it. I know it's all going to be ok.

BIG BIRTHDAY BASH!!!

Usually my birthday's are pretty quiet. This birthday was not. It was GREAT!! I spent 4 fun filled days with nothing but me, my husband and my kids. So let me take you on a tour of my weekend!

Friday August 2nd - 

Woke up crabby, went to work from 9am - 2pm and then the fun began!!
We dropped off the kids at a wonderful friends house for a sleepover around 3pm and then Matt and I sped the heck out of there!!

We drove up to Cleveland. We booked a nice hotel room for the night. Just the two of us. Upon check in I asked where the hot tub was and was told it was by the pool. I inquired about the cleanliness of the hot tub and was told they keep it VERY clean.

<jump to 10 minutes later> Standing at the pool area and guess what?? NO HOT TUB!! Are you kidding me? Why lie to me? Why make up some big story about how they keep it very clean? Very Very Very RUDE!

So anyways back to my evening. We chilled. We watched TV. Then we went to the Melting Pot for dinner. This is my all time favorite place to eat. It's quiet. It's slow paced. And did I mention it was quiet.

Here is the new dress that Matt bought me while walking around waiting for our reservation.

Main Course!! YUMMMMMMMY!!

My handsome husband. I love taking pictures of him like this.

After dinner we headed back to the hotel. We chilled some more, watched more TV and made a quick run to the gas station for snacks. It was pretty awesome to have just some me and him time.

Saturday August 3rd - 

This day started pretty early. During this weekend I was also on call for my job (I do on site drug and alcohol testing). When my phone rang at 730 in the morning I knew it was a call. Lucky for me it was a Cleveland call and I was about 5 minutes away!!

Blah, blah, blah - moving on.

We picked up our kiddos about 11am. We headed home to quickly clean up the house, do some laundry and pack for the races!!

We headed down to the Summit Motorsports Raceway to watch some races.

The kids had a blast!! They loved the loud roar of the cars. They loved being able to get up close. Just a great day!!!

After the races we stopped for some dinner and headed home. We finally got home around 10pm. We all crashed pretty quickly. We knew we had a big day ahead of us!

Sunday August 5th

Up at 630am, out of the house by 7am. Ugh. We headed off to NIAGARA FALLS, ON!!! Matt and I finally both had passports so we figured, Hey, why not!

We made it to the border around 1030am. We had to make a pit stop since all of us were bursting at the seams! While we were stopped, my amazing husband stopped to help a lady with her car. This set us back about 1/2 hour. Oh well, that's my great hubby.

We finally made it. We parked. We got walking.

First thing we did was head down to the Falls to go on the Maid of the Mist. It was soooooo awesome!

After the boat we walked, we ate, we walked some more and we ate some more. We did take the kids to the Rainforest Café for lunch - they totally loved it!

 

totally semi-creepy picture!

 

Anyways, trying not to drag this post out.....here are few more pictures then I am outta here!

 

 

Outside the Hershey store - yummy!

 

Harley store

 

I totally wanted to stop and get a tattoo!!

 

Landon took this picture. He just had to. He said the bottle and the ketchup were different then back in Ohio...LOL

 

 

And I'm done - there is my little mini vacation. We spent the night in Niagara Falls Sunday night, we got up early and drove home Monday just in time to start football / cheer practice!!



What Kelly is feeling today??

Hmmmm, today I am feeling quite ungrateful and selfish.

I am not going into the nitty gritty details.

Basically I had an amazing birthday weekend with my hubby and 3 kids but all I can seem to focus on is what did NOT happen. No parties, no presents, not even a cake. Some people (family and close friends) didn't even take 2 seconds to wish me a Happy Birthday.

Yes, I know it sounds like I am ungrateful little brat. Oh well. But I'm also very hurt by these things. Basically I need to put on my big girl panties and realize not everyone likes me (even though I thought they did), I have to realize that I may not be as important to someone as they are to me.

I also need to pray about this. Need to pray to take away these feelings of sadness, hurt, bitterness and anger.

I need to focus on the totally amazing weekend I had with the 4 people I adore the most. SO what if there were no presents, no parties, not even a damn cake. Time for me to get over it.

Of course before I can get over it, I totally had to vent about it.

Oh, and yes, I do have my HUGE Birthday Weekend post coming soon!!

ADHD - A Devil in Disguise

This was a hard one for me to write. Everyone has their own opinions about ADHD. And here is mine and my husbands.

My precious, loving Landon, has always been quite the handful. He has always been my excited, full of energy, non stop talking for ever and ever. Seriously, this kid talks ALL THE TIME.

This past year we have seen a lot of not so good changes in him. He was bad, like a really bad kid. He was being mean to everyone, including: parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers, bus drivers and on and on and on. He was always yelling, screaming, making nasty comments, saying inappropriate things, not sharing, stealing, etc. And he was incredibly disrespectful to just about everyone.

I found myself screaming, not just yelling, but honest to God screaming at him at least a few times a day. Even just for the simplest things like asking him to put on his shoes. It was a major fight practically everyday.

He was doing really bad in school. His grades were ok but his behavior was not. He was not listening to the teacher, not listening to the bus driver. He was getting in fights, saying not nice words and a few other things.

It was the few other things that had me on the phone to our pediatrician completely in tears just bawling. I remember saying things like "I just don't know what to do", "he is just so bad", "I just can't be around him anymore", "I don't like him". And to set the scene, I was in my bedroom, door shut, literally bawling all this to the poor nurse who answered the phone. I was border line hysterical.

They set me an appointment for the following morning. After I hung up the phone I just cried and cried and cried. I cried so hard. My brain was so full of questions. Why doesn't he love me enough to be good? Why is he so mean? I began to feel like a failure. I racked my brain for what I did to make him turn out like this. I started to blame myself. I felt like maybe if we hadn't had Chase so quickly I could of given Landon more attention, more love.

That next hour was a complete nightmare. I just sat there, phone in hand, wanting to call someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault. I wanted someone to tell me my kid was normal. I didn't call anyone. I didn't want anyone to know that my baby was actually this bad, this mean, this disrespectful. I just knew in my head they were all going to blame me somehow and I just couldn't deal with it. In hindsight I knew my friends would not have blamed me. I know they would of supported me and loved me (well most of them).

So let's just get through this already long post. After numerous appointments and forms and evaluations it was decided Landon has Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

For so long my baby heard nothing but negative feedback from pretty much everyone in his life.

"Common features of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) include excessive, often persistent anger, frequent temper tantrums or angry outbursts, as well as disregard for authority. Children and adolescents with ODD often purposely annoy others, blame others for their own mistakes, and are easily disrupted. Parents often observe more rigid and irritable behaviors than in siblings.^[2] In addition, these young people may appear resentful of others, and when someone does something they don't like they prefer revenge over more sensitive solutions.^[3]"

The above WAS my Landon. Still is at times right now while we work through this.

After we received his diagnosis the doctor gave us a prescription. We took it directly to the pharmacy to have it filled. However, we spent a few days debating whether or not to medicate him. We were so scared it was going to change him. I still wanted my Landon. My Landon was unique and has one of the biggest hearts I know. I didn't want MY Landon to disappear.

Within 2 days we decided to medicate. His prescription is a patch he wears on his hip called Daytrana. It goes on as soon as he wakes up and stays on until about 6pm. It takes about 2-3 hours for it to get out of his body and after that he is ready for bed. My son gets a constant stream of medicine all day long.

Pros:
He has not changed too much.
Teachers noticed a change even without me telling them he started medication.
He is more focused.
WE are more calm, so much less yelling and screaming.
He is still my baby boy.

Cons:
Appetite is pretty much gone. He has to go for weight checks every two months. We try to keep him off his meds  1 or 2 days week so he can pretty much eat everything is sight (that was the old Landon, he is a beast...LOL)
He is a little more emotional then before. He cries over the dumbest things sometimes.

With all that said, I really believe Matt and I made the right decision. Our fighting is less. We are showing him that we love him and that he is a good boy. He is getting more positive reactions from practically everyone. In the end we had a terrific doctor who listened to both us and Landon.

We feel really good about this. This is only a temporary situation. We are taking it day by day with him. Who knows, there may come a day where he does not need medication.

Things are by far from perfect. We have a lot of rebuilding relationships to do in our family. But we are, we are working on it day by day.

The greatest feeling is truly liking my son again. Landon and I have come a long way in a short time rebuilding our relationship. We are having a mother / son relationship. He cuddles with me. He sits by me when we are out. He holds my hand. My baby holds my hand.

I know it's hard to get the whole picture through a blog but this has been a huge thing for us the past 5 months (We started medication in late March).  I can honestly say that things are looking up. My kids are going to be just fine.

Our family is going to be just fine.

Let's Talk Addiction....

Addiction.

Such a nasty little word. A word that can mean so many things.

Addicted to Facebook.
Addicted to sugar.
Addicted to soda.
Addicted to chips.
Addicted to smoking.
Addicted to sex.
Addicted to alcohol.
Addicted to illegal drugs.
Addicted to legal drugs.
Addicted to perfection.
Addicted to <insert your addiction here>

I have an addicted personality. I easily get sucked in to all sorts of things. Usually I am pretty good about breaking those addictions. Something's on the other hand are not so easy.

For me it could be as simple as finding a new breakfast food and only eating that every single day for 3 months. Or it could be as complicated as taking sleeping pills for over 6 years or the alcoholic I became or the stupid stupid cigarettes that I smoke. Or even a bigger one, FOOD. Yep, I am addicted to food. But that's a whole other post.

Throughout my life (all 33 years of it) I have dabbled in so many things. I have done so many drugs. Not even my closest friends and family know that extent of what I have tried. And, nope, not going to put the list on here. Luckily, I am done and have been done for many many years with illegal drugs.

Let's talk prescription drugs and alcohol. That is a whole different story.

Prescription drugs. hmmmmm, that is such an easy one to score. And if you have an addictive behaviors you have to be REALLY careful. Yep, I am talking pain pills and Xanax type pills. They take all pain away. They take your emotions away. They make like easy to deal with. And that is why I cannot take them. I cannot take them because I will become addicted. I have not become addicted but I can definitely see the potential. When I am sick or hurt (like ER), I let them give me something ONLY in the ER. I will not be sent home with prescriptions for these drugs. Even at my family doctor I will not be sent home with these drugs.

It's so hard to stay away from this. So incredibly hard. Yes, I will admit I have called people I know and got some of these drugs. Yep, it was not cool. Sometimes I crave the relaxing feeling so bad. I crave the "out of my own mind" experience. I think how much easier my day to day life would be.

I pray constantly about this. Like a couple times a day. I need constant help. I need constant accountability.

Let's move on to alcohol. I really hate talking about this. I will make this short and sweet. I had a drinking problem. A big one. I didn't like it anymore. I didn't like feeling horrible all the time. I didn't like all the money I spent. I did not like all the sneaking. I did not like all the driving while intoxicated. One day I decided to open up about it to the women in my bible study. I decided I was going to pray about it. With me praying and with those women praying for me, I conquered this addiction. I totally kicked it's ass.

With that being said, yes, I still drink. No, I do drink a lot. As a matter of fact it has been months since I've had a drink. It's not because I have anything against it. It's because I don't feel a "NEED" to drink anymore. I will have a cocktail every now and then but I don't need to have one.

And I did not do this on my own. By myself I do not have this much power. It was ALL God. Yep. It sure was. ALL GOD! I could write a whole post on this, maybe one day I will.

On to my last addiction and also my current addiction. Sleeping pills. Prescription and over-the-counter. It stated the day Chase was born. I really don't know what happened. The whole hospital stay I did not sleep for more then an hour at a time. Chase was born at 5:39pm. That night after Matt had left I remember having a huge breakdown. I cried so loud. So loud it got the nurses attention through the closed door. I guess I was scared about having a 4 1/2 year old, an 11 month old and a new born. Well, anyways, the nurse came in and I was pretty much hysterical at that point. She had to call a doctor because I would not be consoled. The doctor prescribed Zofran and Ambien. Guess what?? Still didn't fall asleep.

2 days after Chase and I got out of the hospital I went and saw my OBGYN. They prescribed Valium and Ambien. The Ambien was working great. I was sleeping at night. However, I was also sleep eating. NOT COOL YO!! I decided to take things into my own hands. I started alternating between NyQuil and Tylenol PM. I did this for over 6 years. I was drinking about 1/3 of a bottle of NyQuil or 6-8 Tylenol PM's.

I tried every now and then to sleep with out help but it was always a failure, always. I would be up till 5-6-7 in the morning. Horrible insomnia. So back to the pills I went. I have spent ALOT of money over the past 6 years. I mean ALOT of money.

As of today, June 27th, 2013 I have been sleeping pill free for 38 days. 38 days does not seem like a long time but when you've had a 6 year addiction, 38 days is very long. I'll admit, I have laid here and stared at the bottle. I laid here and told myself that it would be ok just to take 2. I have made up all kinds of things in my head. But ya know what?? Not once have I actually taken anything in 38 days. 38 days.

I will keep going. I have already overcome some pretty harsh addictions. I will continue to work on the rest of them. I will continue to pray that God gives me the courage, the strength and the grace I need. And I KNOW he will. Look where he has gotten me this far.

So if anyone out there would like to help me through these next few addiction, please pray for the following:

Food
Cigarettes
Foul Language
The need to have a prefect house

If you could help me by praying for these few things it would mean the world to me and my family. I say my family because ALL of the above things directly effect them.

Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to open up and he honest about this. It takes a weight off my shoulders just to be able to open the doors.

And please, I am only asking for encouragement. if you have something nasty to write or say, please go somewhere else. It is not wanted or needed here.

Love you all!!

Gone Fishing.......

My dad was not around when I was growing up. My grandpa stepped up to the job. From my earliest memories I remember being with my grandparents. They molded me, they helped me grow up. Most of my best memories are with them.

My fourth birthday

 



 

I have no idea when this was. I just remember he used to take naps on the floor all the time. I would lay with him most times.

 

Taking me, my sister and my brother for a ride.

 

I think this was the summer I was turning 1.

 

One of my most favorite pictures!

 

My grandparents 25th wedding anniversary. Obviously I wasn't there but I am sure it was a special day!

 

They drove all the was to Missouri to visit me when I graduated basic training.

 

This was printed after he passed away.

 

Not sure how old he was in the photo, but he was sure a handsome man.

 

 

 

My grandpa passed away May 18, 2011. He has been gone just over 12 years. Some days if feels just like yesterday. Some days I can't breathe. I miss him terribly.

 

My grandpa was an avid fisherman. We (him, me, numerous family members) were always out fishing. Some days it was only an hour and some days it was many hours.

 

 

He taught me how to fish. He taught me how to bait the hook, how to cast, how and when to reel it in. he taught me everything he could.

 

I have not been fishing since he died. I haven't even taken our kids. My kids are 11, 7 and 6 and have never been fishing.

 

I just can't do it. It hurts to much. I really want to but I just can't. What if I take them and I can't remember how to fish? Do you know how disappointed my grandpa would be? All that time he spent teaching his kids and grandkids to fish and what if I forgot? I couldn't do that to him.

 

Ugh. Between his death anniversary, Father's Day and his birthday (August 9th), it makes for a couple hard months. Summers were always busy and fun and filled with so much laughter.

 

Oh, how I wish my kids could of met him. I know they would love him and he would love them. I can see him now cracking jokes at them, yelling at them for being loud. All the stuff he used to do to me. They would of had the best relationship. I just know it. I just know it.

 

It has gotten easier over the past 12 years but summers are still tough.

Finally - the LAST part of Vacation!!!

Sorry it took so long to finish getting my vacation all posted. Ever since we got back we have been busy busy busy. And starting next month life gets even crazier and busier. All 3 kiddos start sports and of course it's 3 different teams which means 3 different practice schedules, 3 different weekly games and one mom going mucho loco (hubby works 2nd shift). But enough about all that, that post will come soon enough...LOL

Day SEVEN - Thursday
Today is the day we moved om from Alabama to Gaitlinburg, TN. I woke up early and hit a thrift shop with my Aunt Shirley. We hadn't spent much time together because it was just a crazy crazy week. It was nice just to talk and shop.

After I got back we packed up and headed on out. We left around noon (which is 1 pm in Tennessee time). We arrived in Pigeon Forge, TN at the hotel right about 6 pm. Not too bad of a drive.

Upon arrival we checked in. We rested. We ate massive amounts of pizza and garlic roll thingy. It was awesome.

We let the kids swim in a teeny tiny pool for a little bit then decided to head out for some ice cream.

Finally, after all that - BED TIME!!! YEAH!!!


Day EIGHT - Friday
Boy oh boy, today was a BIG day!! I will try and keep it within a paragraph or two!
Started off with some swimming in the teeny tiny pool, followed by getting dressed and ready and heading out to Gaitlinburg for whatever.

We started off by driving around looking and looking for parking and none of us had cash. Quick stop at the ATM, then park and finally we hit up the Ober Tram. This tram takes you waaaaaay up high in the mountains. Yep, I almost lost my lunch.

We walked around up on the mountain (they have shops and food), ate some lunch and headed back down. The ride down was MUCH more scary then the way up. I thought I was going to have a full blown panic attack. Luckily I was able to talk myself down.

After that we decided to walk around. There is soooo much to do and see. We started off by sampling some moonshine. They were tiny little sample cups but when you sample like 10 different flavors it adds up. Oops.

Here is the picture of all of us!

Taking the Tram up...waaaaaaay up

Lunch in the Smokies

Sampling some FREE whiskey!

And here we are sampling the FREE moonshine then proceeded to buy the peach and the regular - YUMMY

Another picture of the moonshine - this stuff was soooooo good!

We walked around a few more hours spending uber amounts of money (huge tourist trap, but so worth it)

After we were done we headed back to Pigeon Forge for dinner. We ended up going to the most horrible Hibachi place - oh well, you live, you learn. 

After that the kids were BEGGING us to do the go-carts (again more $$$). We did. It ended up being one of the most favorite parts of this part of the trip. I am sooo glad we decided to do it.

Daddy and Chase getting ready for me to beat them!! (although it ended up I was the very slowest)

Day NINE - Saturday
Going HOME day!!!

We left the hotel around 11 am after letting the kids get in one last swim.

We headed to Bristol, TN to have lunch with my cousin Joe and his family. We got there about 1 pm and had grilled cheese with BACON, basically so much bacon you could of called them Grilled Bacon Sandwiches...LOL

After lunch Joe took us on a quick car trip to check out the city. It was so cool driving in Bristol, TN then turning around and driving down the other side of the road in Bristol, VA. He took us to the Bristol Speedway and Thunder Valley. We also got to check out the Holsten Dam area. It was so pretty and so calm (except for me freaking out that one of the kids was going to fall and get hurt).

After that we finally headed to our final destination - HOME!!

The trip took just over 8 hours because we stopped for dinner and then as soon as we hit Ohio I had to drive through some of the worst rain I had ever driven in. It was horrible, but we survived.

We had such a great vacation!! I loved spending time with my loved ones. I can't wait till our next VACATION!!!