Monday, February 20, 2012

My Family......

Well first let me say that today has been so weird. If I didn’t know better I would think I was pregnant. I am soooooo emotional today. It’s beyond crazy. I know for 110% there is no chance I am pregnant and if I am it would be a miracle of God. I have been thinking, praying and Face book stalking today. Oh, and of course cleaning and running 800 errands and making meals and blah blah blah, I think you get it.

Today’s post is brought to you by FAMILY. All about family today. I guess it’s coming from seeing my cousin that I haven’t seen in years yesterday..

I went Face book stalking my family today. I miss them. I miss seeing my aunts, uncles and cousins ALL the time. I really truly miss them. As a child one of my favorite things was hanging out with my cousins. My brother, sister and I were pretty much the youngest of 17 cousins so we looked up to them. When I was little I remember how close we all were. Every holiday was spent ALL together hanging out at my grandparent’s house. Weekends were spent at my aunt and uncles house. Vacations consisted of going to Maryland and spending a week with my family there. I just miss them so much.

But…then we all grew up, got married, had lots of kids and we are all doing our own thing now. It makes me so sad. I have so many cousins living within 15 minutes of my house and I BARELY see anyone. And on the rare occasion I do see my cousins; we act like we really don’t know each other.

After my grandpa passed away, my grandma moved in with my Aunt A and Uncle J. So now for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc we visit over there. Sometimes we are there when other aunts, uncles and cousins are there. It’s so weird because some of them will say hi and give me great big hugs while others barley acknowledge me, my husband or my kids. WHY??? We all grew up together, we all know each other.

In the past few years I have been really close to Aunt A and Uncle J (and yes, I still address my aunts and uncles properly, doesn’t matter how old I am, I am still going to do it). I visit my grandma at least once I week so of course it’s natural to be closer to that Aunt and Uncle. After my grandpa passed away and before grandma moved in with aunt and uncle, I was over there ALL THE TIME. I would go over there and just chill. Believe it or not, she helped me through my divorce, through all my pregnancies and so much more. I knew she missed grandpa and so did I. He was like my dad.

I spent so much time over there as a kid till about age 12-13. I was over there every weekend, sometimes school nights….all the time. I am not sure the reasoning behind it all. I have my own theories as to why I spent some much time with my grandparents and not at my own home, but we won’t go there. And because I was there all the time I got to go out to eat with them, on vacation with them, to the store (which meant that I got stuff and no one else did). I got to learn how to play Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. My grandma taught me the basics of cooking. They taught me manners, right and wrong, eat your veggies. I could go on and on of all the things I learned from my grandparents. They were my life. They still are. My heart still aches when I think of my grandfather. My heart breaks when I think about my grandma not being around.

I get scared about my grandma not being around. I get scared about not being close with my family. She was the glue, they both were. I love my family so much and I don’t think they will ever know. Each of my aunts and uncles taught me something different. I really do have the best family even though we may not be as close as we used to be.

And because it’s my blog, I think I am going to say a few things to my aunts and uncles:

Aunt I – going to your house always felt like a trip back in time. Life was simple. I learned about outdoor life. I learned to eat from the land. I learner to take a bath in 4 inches of water that smelled so bad like sulfur. You took me church every time I stayed there.

Aunt S and Uncle W – you let me be a kid. At your house it was fun. My cousins were fun. I looked up to them all the time. My summers spent in Maryland were some of the best memories. I remember special birthday meals, my first time to the ocean, roller skating in the rain, hair and makeup with my cousins.

Aunt A and Uncle J – I know my brother was over more but the time I spent as a kid was life changing. You taught me that people with disabilities were no different then anyone else. You taught me to respect everyone. Uncle J is the man who walked me down the aisle when I married Matt. He is the closest thing I have to a father figure in my life. I asked him to walk me down the aisle because I wanted to be walked down by someone I truly respected.

Uncle J and Aunt T – 8th grade… 8th grade we were evicted from our home and we had to move in with you. I know I was a pain in the ass but I truly did not want to leave. Your house was run like a real home. I loved having a real father figure in my life. I loved having someone teach me right from wrong and getting on my case ALL the time. 8th grade was such a rough year for me. I was leaving childhood and going into the damn teenage years. I was a pain but you never backed down and never ran away.

Uncle A and Aunt R – You two talk to me like family. You always ask how things are going. You seem to get excited when I see you at family get togethers. I still remember your wedding. I have pictures.

I could write something about each and every one of my cousins and some of their spouses but that would make for an awful long post. I think I am going to start writing them and letting them know how much they all meant to me and what an impact each of them has had on my life. I don’t think they realize how much of an influence they were and some still are.

Before I end this EXTREMELY long post, I want to share one of my absolute favorite memories of my cousins. I even know the exact date, May 19, 2001. It was the day after my grandpa passed away. Almost all my cousins and their spouses or significant others came in from all over. We all got together at my cousins G’s house (it was closest to my grandparent’s home). We laughed, we reminisced, we drank, and ALL of us were talking and getting along. It was by far probably one of the best nights of my life. And for awhile after I was closer to some cousins and it was heavenly. It is one of those nights I will never forget. Something as horrible as my grandpa dying brought us all together. I wish I had taken pictures that night. I hope my family thinks about that night too. It will go down in history.

I know it sounds like I am whining and I can’t argue with that, I am. I miss my family, all of them. I love my family, all of them. I just wish my kids could experience my family like I did. I have the best family whether I see them or not. They will always be a priority in my book. I will always be there if someone needs me, always


Kim said...

It is true Kelly, I feel also that as time has passed and all of us have our own families with children, everyone gets wrapped into their own lives- the daily activities then before you know it, it is late and the day has ended. Believe though that no matter how busy or consummed everyone is, they never forget our memories! As you have said, some Also, as you mentioned granpa passing and everyone at G's house- it was a great night playing games and sharing moments that we all shared with Grandpa...he was amazing and no one will ever forget all he had done and the wonderful life he gave all of us! He meant the world to each one of us all in our own way! He made sure EVERY single one of us felt special--even as large as our family was, he made time for each one! And as you and your brother and sister grew- he made everyone realize that all 3 of you also needed the love that we all were raised with and to extend what we had with you. He made all of us realize that family IS what matters!
Even though all of us have moved on in one way or another- you are still family and I think of you and your family all the time. I am bad in the sense of reaching out to always let you know but I always read your fb posts and ask about you whenever I talkj with someone close that knows how and what is going on!
You sort of took my spot with Grandpa and Grandma when we were younger and you became the "favorite", and even though I was jealous I was growing and had to let it go!!! (remember when you got to play with my dance costumes?)haha, I will cherish all of the times with the cousins and also do wish that my kids could have that life that we did with our Aunts and Uncles! We definitly have one of the best families!