Thursday, March 26, 2009

One of my first big mommy moments...

I had one of those on saturday March 21st at approx 330pm.

Yes, I know I am a mom but sometimes, I just don't feel it. I mean, I am so many things, I am Kelly, I am a wife, I am an ex wife, I am sister, a daughter, cousin, Aunt, friend, and sometimes a drunk - LOL. So there are times where I just think it can't all be real.

Anyways, back to my story. I took Emma Saturday to cheerleading tryouts. She will be in 2nd grade next year and this is the first year she can do cheerleading. We have been practing all week for this, even my hubby got in line (he is soooo a cheer dad). Well, we get to tryouts and walk up to the door. We are all standing outside because of course we are not allowed in the actual building during tryouts. I am looking around at all the moms and all the daughters and actually alot of dads too (Matt had to work or I know he would of been there for her). And there I am hair not done, have this sweat / track suit on, I do have a little make up on. And I started to feel a little embarrassed for my daughter. But that's not my mommy moment yet.

At precisly 330, a coach comes out and tells the girls to come in and grab a number and be seated. It was that moment I grew up. In that few seconds, I realized my baby daughter, my first born was actually leaving and going and doing something on her own with no help of mine. I actaully teared up thinking my poor baby has to go in front of judges and be judged.

Emma looked at me and smiled with her goofy smile and said "bye mom". I don't know why but it felt as if she was leaving me, like really leaving me. I felt so alone at that point. My baby is not a baby. She is becoming a beautiful person who is starting to think and do things for herself.

I really cannot pinpoint my excat feelings. I just felt sad. She is growing up and it just hit me as she was walking in the building all by herself to go tryout in front of judges for cheerleading.

I admit, I felt kinda stupid standing there with the other moms getting teary eyed. I just love my baby so much and I know she has to go be her own person. I mean thats what I have been trying to do since birth right? I have been trying to make her into an acceptable human being. I have been trying to get her to do things on her own.

I just realized I have been blabbing and blabbing and even writing all this I can feel my chest get tight and I am fighting back getting teary eyed.

We had to be back at 400pm to pick her up. if she made the team we had a mandatory meeting from 5-6pm. So after the parents were allowed back in, I quickly walked to the room where they were and she runs so fast yelling " I MADE TEAM, I REALLY DID". And at the moment I felt so proud of her, I felt like a finally got something right. I did it. My daughter made the cheerleading team because I really raised her right (so far - LOL). I was so happy for Emma, and she was just over the moom. She was running around with her friends and I was texting everyone I know. I didnt care if they wanted to know or not, I wanted everyone to know that my baby girl was the cheerleader.

Well, I had better get back to work. I have alot ofwork to do - NOT!! Actually I picked up an extra shift so I am working 4-midnight at one of our shelters - good times.


Bargain Hunter said...

A wonderful experience, no doubt, and I thank you for how well you shared it.

Here's hoping it turns out to be all she hopes and is the source of much joy for you as well.

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I'm interested in doing some link swapping. If you'd like to post a link I'll be happy to send people your way. Just write a comment on any of my posts and let me know.

Pam said...

Visiting from SITS. Congrats to Emma! And to you for surviving the first of many 'Mommy Moments' to come. Good Luck!

Cora said...

Awww. I've been there. My girl gave a speech in front of 500 people at her school once and I sat in a chair at the back of the room sobbing my eyes out watching my baby up on stage with the microphone. Those mommy moments will get you! :-)