Landon's Birth Story

SO I know Landon's birthday was almost a month ago.....but it's Christmas time and things got busy.

On November 29th my baby boy turned 5 years old. We celebrated by taking all the kids to Chuck E CHeese on the his actual birthday and it was a birthday miracle because the place was almost empty. It was the best time we have had at Chuck E Cheese for a long time. The kids had a great time and I had a great time!!

Ok, on to Landon's birth story...

Landon was a complete suprise. Matt and I were not trying to have a baby, infact I was on birth control when I got pregnant. Oops. It happens. Damn that bottle of wine! I won't go into all the drama (oh, but there was big drama) but everything worked out good and my due date was set for December 6th. I found out we were having a boy a couple weeks before my birthday so it was an early birthday present for me. I was beyond thrilled to be having a boy after having a little girl.

So my pregnancy for the most part went ok. I did have symphsis seperation which basiclly means my pevlic bone split in two. It was quite painful and they were unable to fix it or do anything about it until after birth. And even then after birth it just heals up on it's own......so with that being said they deceided to induce me at 39 weeks which would have been November 30th, a Tuesday.

On the saturday after Thanksgiving which was also the Saturday before birth, Matt and I deceided to go out and have a nice meal as one of our last meals before baby. We both ordered some kinda smothered chicken. After cutting into the chicken it kinda looked pinkish but we both thought it was from the red neon lights that were above us in the restuarant. Well needless to say.....we got food poisoning.

Matt and I were sick all day Sunday. It was horrible only having one bathroom. I finally started to feel better Sunday early evening and so did Matt. My stomach was still crampy and was hurting but I chalked it up to being sick. Late Sunday evening my stomach was hurting so bad that I thought it might be time to have this baby. I got MAtt up and we took Emma to my grandma's house.

We got to the hospital and sure enough I was dialted 4cm. Apparently the food poisoning with the dehydration kicked my body into labor. So they got me all checked in and started the IV. I was flying through the IV bags becasue I was so dehydrated. Well after they gave me 5 IV bags, my labor stopped. Now it was time to make a decision whether they were going to keep me and induce me one day early or if they were going to send me home and have me come back tomorrow for my induction.

They decided to keep me. They started the induction process around 9am, water broke about 1130am and my beautiful baby boy came in to this world at 5:39pm weighing 8lbs 4oz and 21 inches long. He was the most beaultiful baby that I had ever seen.

Matt was wonderful through the entire birthing process. I couldn't of asked for anything more.

Where has the time gone?

This year has been extremely hard for Matt and I. We lost our house, I lost my dad, family drama and lots of financial problems.

This has put me into a tailspin of depression. I am wallowing in it. I am swimming in it. I feel most days that I can't get out.

Losing the house was AWFUL! It made me feel like such a loser. Made me feel like I was the person my mother always made me out to be. My life was supposed to be different and now I lost the house that my family has grown in. It was just so unreal. I could see the disappointment in the eyes of family members and friends. I could see the "I told you so" look. It was harder telling people we lost the then actually losing the house.

When I lost my dad in May I remember just going through the motions. I was sad but I did not process it completely. Now I am starting that process. I am sad, so sad. I am realizing that I will never see him again. I will never be looking on the streets when I am driving. I will never ask my sister if she has talked to dad lately. I will never have to look in the paper to see if he has died. All because my dad has died. He is gone and I am trying to deal with it. I am trying to come to terms with all of these realizations.

It is just so hard to come to terms with all of it. And I am so sick of people asking me why am I so sad about it. I am sick of hearing what a crappy dad he was and he was never there. So sick of hearing that he was homeless and didn't see me for years. Well, folks that is why I am sad. There is no hope of me having a relationship with him now. He is gone. I will never fully get to know my dad. And now I am changing the subject (my posts have become such downers)

I finally started college!! I am majoring in Social Science in hopes of becoming a Licensed Social Worker in a few years. I know I can do this if I put my mind to it.

My goals for 2011 is to stay in school and lose weight. I know both of these will be hard for me but I know if I put my mind to it I can do it. I am going back on my diet that my cousin prepared for me and I am going to go to the gym at least twice a week. I know I will succeed.

This is my year!

Chase's Birth

So my baby boy will be 4 in a couple weeks and I have never written in depth about his birth story. So here it is.

I was induced at 39 weeks due to all the pelvic pain I was having - YEAH!!!

So we get to the hospital at 8am and of course I am so nervous, I was up most of the night with diarrhea (just an FYI - happened each time I went into natural labor). So at the hospital they checked me and I was 3 1/2 centimeters dilated, so I was pretty much in labor. I got all hooked up and everything was going great.

About 10:30 they broke my water and they my world fell apart!! The contractions started coming fast and hard. About 12:30pm I was able to get the famous epidural.....I was hoping this time it worked. I have done it with my other kids but it never took and I ended up having them natural.

And then I heard the angels sing.....IT WORKED! I felt so great. But even with the epidural I still felt lots o pressure. They did have to put an internal monitor on the baby because the baby's heart rate kept dropping. First time that has happened to me and boy was I nervous about the baby.

3pm - laying on my side and I felt the longest contraction ever. I told Matt to get the nurse but they were already coming in the room. They told me to turn over cause it was time.

I looked puzzled because they didn't even check me yet, but they are the docs, they know best. As we were getting prepared, my Dr. came in and asked if it would be alright to have a couple extra people in the room and of course I am all drugged up and said yes. By the time everything had started I had 2 doctors, 2 nurses, 4 residents, 2 student nurses and a woman who gives a lot of money to the hospital and she wanted to see a live birth. - Oh well, what are you gonna do?

So they finally checked me and I could of sworn I heard the doctor saying something like "oh crap there's the head" I swear I did.

At this point Matt felt really sick and had to go sit down. The nurses brought him some orange juice and he seemed to get better and he continued to stand my my side.

They the doc tells me Chase is upside down (not breech). His head was facing down instead of up. Doc said it might hurt a little more to push him out like that.

So I pushed and pushed for about 10 minutes and then there he was ...........

My 8lb 7oz 21 inches long born at 3:37pm Baby Boy!

My baby was almost perfect - his blood sugar was low so I had to wait to feed him and hold him for about an hour after birth, small price to pay.

I remember sitting there getting stitched up thinking I should order food now before dinner is over. So I did, I called while I was getting stitched up. I was so crazy hungry.

I ate, I peed, I walked around. It was all good. Finally I can go to my own room and possibly take a nap.

Medical Advice from the Doctor

So I have been to the doctor quite a few times in the past two months.



He wanted to run some tests, a Pulmonary Function Test and a complete blood work up with a 12 hour fasting.



I got the results back this week. Not good people, not good.



The results were not what I expected.



They said that my bad cholesterol levels where very high and my my good cholesterol levels were not so good. So I have to diet and exercises and this time it's life or death.



And for the worst part....I have moderate asthma and Stage 1 emphysema. So now it's time to quit smoking for real.



I am so angry at my self. I knew this could happen but I continued to smoke anyways. I continued to eat all that fast food and junk. I did it all. I have no one to blame but myself.

Life...Not so bad.....

I have been to the doctors umpteen times in the past few weeks.....I'm just leucky he didn't admit me...hahahha.

I can laugh now because the doctor has me on a nice cocktail of meds that I take daily and nightly. The one I take during the day helps almost instantly and the other meds are to stabilize my bi polar.

There, I said, it is out in the open and for every one to read. I have bi polar type 1. I do not like to tell people because they either think I just made it up or they treat me like I am nuts.

With having the bipolar, I do a lot of dumb things. I am quick to anger. My anxiety is through the roof. I do and say things on impulse. I have low self esteem and the world seems hard to handle at times.

I do not intend to take the medicines forever...just for a little while. I intend to use my faith in God to help me cross these thorny paths in life. I intend to lean on my moms group at church for support. I intend to meet with my Transformation mentor, Karen, weekly (a church program to help you build your faith). And the hubby and I are going to attend couples therapy.

Being on the meds lets me have more of a clear mind to focus on God and my family and my healing.

I have been on the meds for 2 weeks now and I am doing really well. My husband and I have spent some quality time talking. My kids and I am actually playing and having fun.

I am spending my time in a much a better mood. I am sleeping much better.

So that's about it. That is the update. I am doing better...not there yet...but better

Just need to vent for a sec.....

Life is sucky right now...just plain sucky.

I am feeling so overwhelmed with things right now.

I feel like everything is catching up to me.

I feel like I am going to fall and fall hard.

I am so angry right now. I am angry at everything. All I want to do it sit in bed and eat.

These past few months have been a trying time for me and my family. We lost our house, moved, my dad died, fighting with family and now another event has totally set me back in my recovery from the abuse I endured as a child. I am not able to openly speak about it yet but as soon as I can, believe me, I am going to be writing and writing.

I feel so trapped and helpless. I am trying to rely on God right now. I have been praying and praying for relief from these feelings but I think the devil has a tight grip on me right now.

I feel myself slipping further down each day. I think I am going to lose it.

I need help but don't know where to turn. I am ashamed and embarrassed to talk to my friends at church. I feel like I will be judged and they will look down on me.

I feel like I am going to be called crazy. I feel crazy. I feel lost. I feel empty.

Ocean City Vacation Part 1

Yes, we celebrated my 30th birthday and our family vacation the same week.

The beach / ocean / family were completely awesome. We stayed with my cousins who live about 5 miles from Ocean City, MD ***score*** (saved us sooooo much on a hotel).

We spent a lot of time at the beach and Assateague Island. I am going to take you a short (possibly long) recap of our week.

Sunday 645am – leave for the beach!! Drive was long but great. The kids did wonderful. 445pm – Arrive at Kim and Dave’s house! We finally made it. We stayed in for dinner and had spaghetti and garlic bread. We let the kids play with their cousins and have some fun. Matt and I ended up going to bed around 10pm.

Monday – BEACH DAY!! We got to the beach around 830am. Landon and Emma took to the beach right away..Chase on the other hand spent the entire time in the sand approx 10 ft from any water at all. Poor kid….he just sat there all day playing in a huge sand box and it was HOT!
Emma for pinched by a horseshoe crab within the first hour. She was in the ocean and said she had her hands on the ocean floor and something pinched her. And she had the blood to prove it. She spent the next 20 minutes screaming and crying…typical Emma.
Landon was born for the beach. He had no fear. The cutest thing from Monday was that he had a bunch of shells and he was starting to bury them. He said he was hiding them so he could come back tomorrow and get them. So cute, so innocent…then about 10 minutes later he forgot where they were and freaked out…oh well.
Monday night we headed out ALONE to celebrate my 30th birthday. My cousins were soooo nice and kept my kids for us. Matt and I headed down to the Ocean City Boardwalk. We walked around and got some souvenirs a.k.a. my birthday presents and we had dinner at Hooters. Beach food always makes me nervous. I want to try new places but never sure if it will taste good and priced right, so Hooters it was. We walked on the beach a little and headed back home where we hung out with my cousins for awhile.

Tuesday – Assateague Island Day. It was about a 15 minutes drive from the house. The waves were huge and beautiful. Chase sat on the sand and played all day. Emma and Landon spent the day in the water. Landon was getting braver by the minute. At one point he actually let Matt carry him out into the ocean. And of course a huge wave came and crashed right on top of them. Matt threw Landon towards shore and Matt got knocked down. Everyone was ok but Landon as done at that point with the ocean and Matt’s expensive sunglasses were now washed away in the ocean. We joked with the kids about a shark wearing daddy’s glasses. We packed up and drove around Assateague for a while trying to look and for wild horses. We found a bunch. We let the kids out of the car to look at them and of course I took a ton of pictures.
After getting home and getting cleaned up and Kim and Dave got home, we headed out to the boardwalk again but this time with all the kids!! We had dinner at Tony’s Pizza on a rooftop restaurant that overlooked the boardwalk and ocean. It was so awesome. The kids liked all the people and all the snacks. Emma got a few posters for her room. Then we headed home…..the kids crashed out before we even got home…the really long 10 minute drive.

Wednesday – Today we decided to do something a little different. We went to Frontiertown. It was this “huge” waterpark with all these waterslides, kiddie pool and mini golf. After paying $54 for all of us we get in and there were 3 slides, a lazy river and a decent size kiddie pool….RIP OFF! We stayed and we swam and we played. Landon was just tall enough to go down the waterslides by him self and you better believe he did. He did not want mommy or daddy going with him. And we only lost the kids twice…yep…twice. One would run to the lazy river, one would be in the kiddie pool and the other would be heading towards the slides. We had to sit them down and explain why they just couldn’t take off like that. And then the rain came and we got outta there.
We decided to go back to the house and clean up and do some outlet shopping! Fun for me, bad for the little boys. They were AWFUL! They just wanted to go back to the house and watch TV.
We stayed in for dinner and had homemade Philly Cheese Steaks and pasta salad (kids had mac n cheese of course) then off to the really fun stuff.
The kids have been begging the moment we arrived and saw all Dave’s fishing poles; they really wanted to go fishing. So Dave got everything ready and we set off for some fishing and some crabbing. The crabbing was so much fun and all the kids enjoyed it. We drove to somewhere in the bay area, parked our cars on the side of the road and set up shop. We tied string to raw chicken legs and threw them out in the bay and we caught a TON of crabs. We could only keep 3 because they have to be a certain size in order to keep. Landon actually caught one of the three!! I was so proud of him and I think he was a little proud of himself.
After we had caught 3 crabs and done a little fishing the bugs were out in full force and 3 of the 5 kids we had with us were throwing fits so we headed back home and put them all to bed. The adults had a good time staying up late talking about the past and family things.

Thursday – Ocean City Beach!! Dave and my little cousin Vincent came with us on this day. Chase of course sat on his sand. Emma, Landon and Vincent played in the ocean on the boogie boards and had a great time. We went home, cleaned up and took some naps. I was getting stuff ready for the next day (leaving for Washington DC in the morning). Kim brought home HUGE steaks for dinner so we had that for dinner. Dave cooked up the crabs from the night before and one of Dave’s friends brought over some more crabs, so my hubby sure got him fill of crabs.

Friday – Packed up and got ready to head to Washington DC….to be continued….The Most Horrible Trip to the Nation’s Capital