My Family......

Well first let me say that today has been so weird. If I didn’t know better I would think I was pregnant. I am soooooo emotional today. It’s beyond crazy. I know for 110% there is no chance I am pregnant and if I am it would be a miracle of God. I have been thinking, praying and Face book stalking today. Oh, and of course cleaning and running 800 errands and making meals and blah blah blah, I think you get it.

Today’s post is brought to you by FAMILY. All about family today. I guess it’s coming from seeing my cousin that I haven’t seen in years yesterday..

I went Face book stalking my family today. I miss them. I miss seeing my aunts, uncles and cousins ALL the time. I really truly miss them. As a child one of my favorite things was hanging out with my cousins. My brother, sister and I were pretty much the youngest of 17 cousins so we looked up to them. When I was little I remember how close we all were. Every holiday was spent ALL together hanging out at my grandparent’s house. Weekends were spent at my aunt and uncles house. Vacations consisted of going to Maryland and spending a week with my family there. I just miss them so much.

But…then we all grew up, got married, had lots of kids and we are all doing our own thing now. It makes me so sad. I have so many cousins living within 15 minutes of my house and I BARELY see anyone. And on the rare occasion I do see my cousins; we act like we really don’t know each other.

After my grandpa passed away, my grandma moved in with my Aunt A and Uncle J. So now for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc we visit over there. Sometimes we are there when other aunts, uncles and cousins are there. It’s so weird because some of them will say hi and give me great big hugs while others barley acknowledge me, my husband or my kids. WHY??? We all grew up together, we all know each other.

In the past few years I have been really close to Aunt A and Uncle J (and yes, I still address my aunts and uncles properly, doesn’t matter how old I am, I am still going to do it). I visit my grandma at least once I week so of course it’s natural to be closer to that Aunt and Uncle. After my grandpa passed away and before grandma moved in with aunt and uncle, I was over there ALL THE TIME. I would go over there and just chill. Believe it or not, she helped me through my divorce, through all my pregnancies and so much more. I knew she missed grandpa and so did I. He was like my dad.

I spent so much time over there as a kid till about age 12-13. I was over there every weekend, sometimes school nights….all the time. I am not sure the reasoning behind it all. I have my own theories as to why I spent some much time with my grandparents and not at my own home, but we won’t go there. And because I was there all the time I got to go out to eat with them, on vacation with them, to the store (which meant that I got stuff and no one else did). I got to learn how to play Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. My grandma taught me the basics of cooking. They taught me manners, right and wrong, eat your veggies. I could go on and on of all the things I learned from my grandparents. They were my life. They still are. My heart still aches when I think of my grandfather. My heart breaks when I think about my grandma not being around.

I get scared about my grandma not being around. I get scared about not being close with my family. She was the glue, they both were. I love my family so much and I don’t think they will ever know. Each of my aunts and uncles taught me something different. I really do have the best family even though we may not be as close as we used to be.

And because it’s my blog, I think I am going to say a few things to my aunts and uncles:

Aunt I – going to your house always felt like a trip back in time. Life was simple. I learned about outdoor life. I learned to eat from the land. I learner to take a bath in 4 inches of water that smelled so bad like sulfur. You took me church every time I stayed there.

Aunt S and Uncle W – you let me be a kid. At your house it was fun. My cousins were fun. I looked up to them all the time. My summers spent in Maryland were some of the best memories. I remember special birthday meals, my first time to the ocean, roller skating in the rain, hair and makeup with my cousins.

Aunt A and Uncle J – I know my brother was over more but the time I spent as a kid was life changing. You taught me that people with disabilities were no different then anyone else. You taught me to respect everyone. Uncle J is the man who walked me down the aisle when I married Matt. He is the closest thing I have to a father figure in my life. I asked him to walk me down the aisle because I wanted to be walked down by someone I truly respected.

Uncle J and Aunt T – 8th grade…..in 8th grade we were evicted from our home and we had to move in with you. I know I was a pain in the ass but I truly did not want to leave. Your house was run like a real home. I loved having a real father figure in my life. I loved having someone teach me right from wrong and getting on my case ALL the time. 8th grade was such a rough year for me. I was leaving childhood and going into the damn teenage years. I was a pain but you never backed down and never ran away.

Uncle A and Aunt R – You two talk to me like family. You always ask how things are going. You seem to get excited when I see you at family get togethers. I still remember your wedding. I have pictures.

I could write something about each and every one of my cousins and some of their spouses but that would make for an awful long post. I think I am going to start writing them and letting them know how much they all meant to me and what an impact each of them has had on my life. I don’t think they realize how much of an influence they were and some still are.

Before I end this EXTREMELY long post, I want to share one of my absolute favorite memories of my cousins. I even know the exact date, May 19, 2001. It was the day after my grandpa passed away. Almost all my cousins and their spouses or significant others came in from all over. We all got together at my cousins G’s house (it was closest to my grandparent’s home). We laughed, we reminisced, we drank, and ALL of us were talking and getting along. It was by far probably one of the best nights of my life. And for awhile after I was closer to some cousins and it was heavenly. It is one of those nights I will never forget. Something as horrible as my grandpa dying brought us all together. I wish I had taken pictures that night. I hope my family thinks about that night too. It will go down in history.

I know it sounds like I am whining and I can’t argue with that, I am. I miss my family, all of them. I love my family, all of them. I just wish my kids could experience my family like I did. I have the best family whether I see them or not. They will always be a priority in my book. I will always be there if someone needs me, always

How Do I Find Me???

Church today was life changing. Yes, I know that every single service for me is life changing but this one hit REALLY close to home.

Pastor Brenda gave a really good analogy. Imagine yourself as a cup, a cup of spiritual energy. When your cup in full, you are at your full potential to live and speak HIS word.

ALL cups have holes, small holes, big holes, lots of holes, and couple of holes. All of us have holes.

When your cup has holes you are not able to give your all to God and his word. You are not able to fully share the wealth of the Christian life.

She continued on to say that there are 3 HUGE holes most of us have.

1. Blaming other people

2. Caring what other people think of you, being yourself

3. Priorities

Let's start with number one.

We tend to blame others for our problems. We blame our spouses for the issues we have. I have done this MANY MANY times and I continue to do it. Maybe it's as simple as maybe I mumble something and he does not hear me correctly. He asks me to repeat it and then I get crappy about it because "if he was really listening, he would have heard me correctly". Sounds dumb, but it happens. Or the reason I have intimacy issues is because of my mom and dad did not raise me right and I slept around a little too much. I can totally turn this around to make it all my mothers and fathers fault. In the end no one is at fault but me. I am responsible for my own decisions.

This is an area I have made great strides in. I used to live life blaming everyone and everything for anything that did not turn out right. In the past few years I am seeing things in a whole new light. My marital issues (whether it be my ex husband or current) are a two way street. Neither of us is perfect. I sure do have my faults and my husband (s) has faults as well. Sometimes they do not mesh well at all. I have had to step back many times and examine what it is that I am doing wrong and how to fix it. I pray everyday for these faults of mine, some small, some large.

So this "hole" in my life is sort of an easy one to deal with. I am actively praying and working on this DAILY.

The second hole in the cup.

This one is my toughie. I am a people pleaser and a big meanie all wrapped into one. I care very deeply of what people think of me.

Am I a good mom? Am I too fat? Do I cuss too much? Am I discipline my kids correctly? Am I keeping up with the Jones's? Does my house look nice enough? Are my clothes ok? Do my kids look ok? Is my car newer? I could go on and on asking questions about myself.

Today I realized I live for other people. Pastor Brenda told me that I need to find my true self because that is what the creator made. Well guess what?? I have been pretending so long that I have no idea who I am. Of course this all hit me at the service today and of course I started crying. And then I thought that I needed to stop crying because people are going to look at me weird.

I cannot stop wondering what people think of me. I can't. I have been thinking about "who am I?" for the last 8 hours. And you know what I came up with????.......you ready for this??? It’s going to get kind of weird (and here I am again hoping not to be judged)
• A crier
• Worthless
• A bitch
• A fat ass
• Insecure
• Ugly
• Too hairy
• Selfish
• Perfectionist
• Procrastinator
• A good friend
• A heart to help others in distress, even if I don’t know them
• A grudge holder
• A slut
• A horrible wife
• A yeller
• I cuss to much
• I am an addict
• I am dirty
• A bad mom
• A better mom then my mother
• Horrible eater, I give my kids no healthy influence
• Passive aggressive
• In impulse buyer
• A spender, not saver
• A good listener
• A good problem solver
• A genuine care for those less fortunate

I have decided today not to let these things get in the way of my life anymore!! I am going to print this list out and I am going to pray to our God every single day until I can let go of all the horrible qualities that I think makes me who I am. I am going to pray to our creator to show me who I really am. I am going to pray to show me that way to be the person I was created to be. I know my Father did not create me to be a bitch, to be insecure, to be an addict. These are choices that I made. Choices I made because of the people who influenced me to believe these things. And no I am not blaming anyone. It was my decision to believe these things. I chose to believe what I have been told. I chose to believe the lies that were fed to me during my life. I let the devil get inside me and use these hurtful things against me. I am the only one to blame. From this day forward I am going to listen to my one and only Father so HE can tell me who I really am. I want to live up to his potential.

I know this is going to be such a long hard road. I have a lot to change. The biggest thing on my list is the feeling that I am worthless. Since I can remember I have always felt this way. This is something that has been drilled in my head for so long. I have always felt like I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve true love. I don’t deserve to look pretty and on and on. So I ask of you, please pray for me too. Please pray that I can fight this inner demon. I have faith in my God that I will prevail. I will come out in the end on top.

And last but not least, hole number three. Priorities.

Pastor Brenda continued on to say that most of us do not have our priorities in order. In my case that is true. I live my life for other people. I do not live my life for myself. I need to put God first then my family. As Pastor Brenda said today…..People come and go (and yes, she even mentioned her own husband) but God will always stay. I have to make our creator my number one priority. Once I make him my number one, my family can and will function to its full potential.

So, with this all said, and yes I know it’s a lot but I have a lot on my mind, here is my summary of all of the above. I NEED TO MAKE GOD MY #1 PRIORITY. IN RETURN I WILL BE ABLE TO FIND THE REAL ME THEN I WILL BE ABLE TO BE A BETTER MOTHER AND WIFE.

So there it is. Someone of you will disagree with what I have written and some of you will agree. But I can honestly tell you, I DON’T CARE what anyone thinks about this blog post. I am in it to win it. I am going to have my life revolve around God. I am going to make my life go according to his word. I am going to be who God wants me to be.

Now, with that being said, I am asking you to pray. Please pray for me and my family. Please pray for my faith. Please pray for my hurt. Please pray that the light with shine through. Please pray these demons leave my body and mind.

In his heavenly name……

Thank You

I quit my job!!!

I am so relieved. I quit my job Monday morning and feel FREE!!!

It was no secret that I did not like my job but hey, it was an income right?? So I have wanted to quit for awhile now, but money wise...it was a no go.

On Saturday, we took the boys to a movie and on the way home they start talking about how cool it would be if I would stay home and that kind of talk. To be honest, it broke my heart.

So Sunday night, I go to a friends house. I spill my heart out to her about life and that includes my job situation. I get home around 10ish, kids are in bed, hubby is waiting up for me. We watch some TV and he drifts to sleep.

About 1am, I find my self shaking him awake. We needed to talk. We needed to pray. We needed to go over budgets. We sat there till 3am, going over and over and over the budget with all kinds of different scenarios, we prayed and we talked.

(side note: we have not had a "normal" conversation in weeks, so this was a blessing in it self)

About 3:05am is was decided that I would quit my job. And yes, I do know that right now job market wise is not a good time to quit, but it was a good time to quit for my family.

And trust me, we have a plan B, a plan C, a plan D and so on. We know life is going to be tight till I start getting an income again. We are prepared for that.

So I have to say...goodbye Target...goodbye Starbucks......goodbye brand name food......goodbye yummy restaurants...till we meet again AND I am positive I will meet you all again in the near future.

But for right now I am going to focus on my family, my home, my God and my friends.

The Things That Can Happen In ONE Week

Seriously....what else can go wrong this week????

1. I got super sick, had to miss two days of work and because I am just a temp right now I spent those 2 days worrying about still having a job when I should of been worried about my flippin BLEEDING STOMACH ULCER!!

2. Money, money, money...it's always about money isn't it. We are on a pretty tight budget, so going to the doctor and paying for prescriptions were not in the budget...That's $40.00 bucks right there and guess what...that was my whole food budget for the week....guess who is not going to have cereal, milk, kids lunches, stuff for our lunches, dinners and snacks??? This girl....well, this family to be excat. And yes, I really do feed a family of 5 all of the above for around $40.00 a week, sometimes a little more and sometimes a little less. It just takes some careful planning. So I am freakin out a little bit here.....oh well, I am just going to pray about it and put it in God's hands now. We have NEVER gone hungry before and I know my God will not let us go hungry again. And we have been way poorer then this before.

3. Me and the hubby are really liking this whole fighting / bickering thing lately. We are like a couple of 5 year olds...seriously....I will give you just one example.....so he had some clean clothes sitting on his dresser. His TOP dresser drawer was open where said clothes are to go. He shuts his drawer and does not put the clothes in. So I ask him "honey, why did you close the drawer before you put the clothes away?" and he says something like "oh, I thought you had them here for something else" and BOOM...a fight has started...really??? really??? Why would I just set the clothes there and why would you not put them away??? REALLY??? So yes, we have become 5 year olds who bicker about everything. It's awesome....just how I wanted to ring in the New Year. And yes, I do take some of the blame...I am not dumb....fighting and bickering takes 2 people and I am one of those people.

4. Job and Money....being so close to losing my job has made us sit down and look at our budget. WOW....I can't even begin to tell you how much fun that is!!! I could do some jumping jacks or something but I won't because one of my boobs may hit me in the head and that would hurt and might require some ER visit and that would cost money and THEN it would be two weeks with no food in the home. WOOHOO!!! Can you feel the excitement???? And by the way...if I did lose my job, we would be sooooooooo screwed....

5. I am just doing crappy. Crappy. Crappy. Crappy. Everything is driving me nuts lately, the house, the kids, the hubby, the stupid car, the white trash lawn, ummmm pretty much everything.

And there you go folks....A lovely start to a new lovely year. Who knows, maybe all the CRAPPY stuff is getting out of the way now to make for an awesome year.

But seriously, I am not just sitting here complaining and whining. I am also praying ALL THE TIME. I know prayer works, I have been privledged to some answered prayers that no man could do for me and my family. So I am going to keep praying till we get answers. It's all in God's time....not mine.

PS. I am going to add a number 6. My physical pain. So with this whole ulcer thing, I cannot take pretty much NO pain meds. So I am sitting here withering in back pain and I can take NOTHING. if you were to video me now, you would see me move into like 800 different positions all while trying to hang to the laptop to write this blog....pretty funny stuff and also adding this to my prayers.....

Till next time loves........

2011 - My Year in Review....(also my 100 post!!!)

This year has had it's share of up and downs. Just going to briefly recap my year from month to month.....and here we go!!!


January 2011 - I never did like January very much...too much holiday let down. The coolest and best thing that happened this month is that I was baptized on January 30th. It was the most AMAZING expierence. On the flip side of that, we invited my family, Matthew's family and some of our closest friends, I was a little disappointed when only Matthew's family showed and non of my friends or my family. I was just happiest having Matt and my kids there to witness it.


February 2011 -BORING month.....not much going on at all....oh wait.....just remembered....this is the month I booked our trips to Las Vegas and Florida!!! Made my month!!!! Also got my new lap top this month......oh yeah, forgot another important detail.....this also the month I was fired from my job for doing something stupid. And NO, it wasn't bad at all but I did break company policy and I had to suffer the consequences. Very bad couple weeks. Oh, and I got fired after I booked the non refundable trips to Las Vegas and Florida....so that was awesome. Well, I guess my February was not that boring!!!


March 2011 - Favorite month of this WHOLE YEAR!!! After almost 6 years, we were finally able to take a honeymoon to the most wonderful place on earth...LAS VEGAS!!! I cannot even begin to tell you what a GREAT time we had. We ate wonderful food, saw amazing shows, won some money on the penny slots, a ton of walking and sight seeing, ordering champagne to our room and just enjoying each other WITH NO KIDS!!!! I cannot wait to go back.....now we just got to find someone to watch the kids again...hahahhaha...yeah right.


And then my second trip. I took Landon to Florida to visit my brother and his family for 4 whole days!!! Taking my son on his first plane ride was awesome. (I take one kid to FL every other year so it gives me time with each kid and I get to spend time with my family in FL.) I LOVED spending time with my bro, Gary, and my sis in law, Meagan and my niece and nephew, Melody and little Gary. And I loved the alone time with my boy, Landon.


The ONLY thing I would of changed about all these trips is the timing. We left for Veags on a Saturday night, came home on Wednesday night, left for Florida early Thursday morning and got home late Monday night. If this was all in the same time zone, I think it might of been ok, but Vegas is a 3 hour diffrence and it was a little much for me to handle.


April 2011 -BABY GIRL TURNED 9 YEARS OLD!!!!! I cannot believe it...just yesterday she was born and I was holding her on my chest. She had a great party here at home!!! And of course we cannot forget Easter...we had a wonderful Easter celebrating our Savior, Jesus Christ. Oh, and I can't forget, I started a new job this month (thank GOD I was able to find something VERY quick)!!!


May 2011 - This month my hubby and I celebrated our 6th anniversary. Offically my longest marriage EVER!!! Haha...that was supposed to be funny.....oh well. Since we went to Vegas for our anniversary, we had a low key celebration......we went to dinner at a steak house - with the kids of course. It was so low key...that NO ONE called, texted, emailed, smoke signaled...NOTHING...to say a simple "Happy Anniversary". Man....that kinda stung. But I got over it and life moved on. I know that I will continue to wish my family and close friends a "Happy Anniversary" on their special day. Now, on the flip side of that, I forgot to call my BFF on her birthday. I know, I know...big hypocrite.....but here's the thing.......the weekend before her birthday she had a girly sleepover where we celebrated her bday. We did games, presents and cake...the whole 9 yards. So when the day of her birthday came, I kind of just forgot because we had already celebrated for her on another day. Man, I felt like crap...I still feel bad about it and it happened in flippin May. I know she is over it. We talked about it and moved on, but it still haunts me, just can't shake it.


And not the bad side of May. This May 18th marked the 10 year anniversary of my grandfather's passing. I still miss him like it was yesterday. I still think about him EVERYDAY. I wish he was here, to see my kids, to see me....to see my life. I miss that man dearly.


Also, May 15th marks the one year anniversary of my dad's passing. Although I wasn't too close to him, I am still sad. I am sad for the things that I will never know and never have. I am thankful for the last rea conversation my dad and I had. He was describing to me about when he met my mother and memories from way back. I feel like I got to know a side of him I have never seen before.


June 2011 - oh happy JUNE!! The weather is nice, trees and flowers are blooming and my brother, Gary and his family have arrived in town to visit!! We hosted a picnic for my family. It was nice to have me, my sister, my brother and my mom all back in one room again (actually it was one "yard" again). Emma was not able to be there because she was hitting the road with her Grandma Pam for a family reunion. Sidebar: This year I have come to realize that even if Emma is not with me and my family, she is with FAMILY. And that is all that matters. I have stopped being greedy and I understand Emma needs time with all members of HER family. thatisall

July 2011 - To kick off the month of July we hosted a 4th of July BBQ....so much fun that I forgot to take ALL the buns out of the freezer...hahahhahaha....dinner was delayed just a little while. This month we just enjoyed the nice summer weather with bike riding, swimming and hanging out with our friends.

August 2011 - FOOTBALL!!! August starts the football season for us. Emma started cheerleading again and Landon was in his first year of flag football. Very exciting and tiring all at the same time. We also celebrated my birthday...the big 31!!! It was low key and I received some awesome handmade cards from my kids. For my birthday weekend (yes, I actually get a whole week!!) we took the kids to Idlewild in PA. It was touch and go with the rain for awhile but ended up being FANTASTIC.

September 2011 - SCHOOLS IN!! Emma started 4th grade, Landon started Kindergarten and Chase entered his last year of preschool. It was bittersweet with the boys....This is the last year I will ever pay for preschool!!

October 2011 - This was a special month for me. I attended the Women of Faith confrence in Pittsburgh, PA October 7 and 8th. I spent 2 days filled with the love of our God and I got to share it with some pretty amazing people who mean so much to me.

November 2011 - BIRTHDAY MONTH!!! Chase turned 5 on November 6th and Landon turned 6 on November 29th. We have a HUGE combined party at our local bowling alley for about 30 of our friends and family. It was a big hit and the LOVED every single minute of it. And of course we cannot forget Thanksgiving. We spent the day running around from one family to another and I really wouldn't have it any other way. I took some great photos of my mother, grandma and my Emma. And to top off Thanksgiving, my bestie, Tara, and I had a marathon shopping trip for Black Friday. We started at 830pm on Thanksgiving and kept going till 8am Friday morning. At that point, I had to drop off something to my ex mother in law. I ended up staying about 2 1/2 hours spending time with her and talking. I was able to say alot of things to her that I have been holding in for so long. She now knows what a big influence she was on me and how much I love her and my ex father in law.

December 2011 - Oh sweet December...how I have waited for so long for you. This December was a magical month. All the decorating, cookie making, Santa trips and spending time with our family, some by blood, others by heart. The most amazing thing about this month was NONE of my kids were in any way sick for Christmas or New Years Eve!!! This has been the first time in 5 long years that NO ONE was sick.

I ended this year feeling incredibly blessed with all the things and people I have in my life. We have the most amazing church family who is there for us and supports us 100%. We are all in good health and both have good jobs. We have a beautiful home to live in (which I called my landlord yesterday and thanked her for allowing us to live in her home).

This year I have made some resolutions, some I will share and some are just for my self.

This year I will cook more....less eating out.

This year we will do something fun once a month.

This year I will blog at least every two weeks, if not more.

This year I will manage my money even better then we did last year. At the end of 2012, we will have at least $2000.00 in a savings account.

This year I will let those people who have touched my life in one way or another know it. I have learned this year, life is short. I want these people to know how much they have changed my life before it's too late.

The rest of my resolutions are just for me. I am choosing not to make them public because they are tough and it is going to be difficult for me, but I will prevail, no doubt.

Thank you all for being a part my life.

I am seriously slacking...

Sorry guys...lots of stuff going on lately.

My life seems to of flipped upside down again and I can't get my head on straight.

Let's go through a summary of things floating around in my life currently:

• my ex husband is killing me right now (I can't go into it cause I would never bash him online)


• my current husband is killing me right now (haha, it's ok to laugh) We are just at a place in our marriage where we are just living day to day to get by. It's hard for us to connect and to speak our minds, thoughts and feelings. I am feeling very stuck and lonely right now. And NO, I am not bashing him in anyway. He knows we are going through something. He knows we are trying to work out these kinks. All marriages have kinks...it's just taking time to work them out. I love him deeply and that will never change. I have no fear of divorcing or anything like that. We just hit an icky place. We are so busy with jobs, the kids, the house, holidays, birthday, etc that it is so hard to find "us" time. And if we do get time, we have to pay to go somewhere and pay for a sitter. And I know there are a ton of free or low cost things we can do but honestly it doesn't work for us. We like to sit down to a nice meal, chit chat and then we usually end of going to Target (yes, you can laugh again) where we walk around, window shop and talk some more. It works for us. Enough about us...lets move on


• Missing my grandpa and my dad like crazy. Holidays always get to me. Especially Father's Day and Christmas. I have no one to celebrate. (and yes I do celebrate my husband, but this is different) I feel like I have no one to honor for raising me. My grandpa did most of the raising. He was the main father figure in my life. I literally think about him EVERY DAY. I wish I could share things with him, ask him advice, tell him how much my kids take after him. I just miss him so much...it makes my heart hurt. I also miss my dad. He passed away May 15, 2010. It was very sudden. I didn't know him well or even spend much time with him. He spent most of his life addicted to some kind of drug and/or alcohol. I learned it was just in the last year of his life he became clean, got an apartment and started looking for us (me, my brother and sister) I learned that when he died it was quick and he came back drug and alcohol free. I just feel robbed. There was so much time I could of spent getting to know him again. All I have left are memories from when I was a kid and a mental picture of him laying in a casket. Both of those are two very different people. I would of liked to of known the in-between person and the person he was becoming.


• My wonderful children....who are becoming older right before my eyes. Emma learned all about Santa and the Tooth Fairy and she's getting boobies!! Landon started Kindergarten, Chase is in his last year of preschool.....they are becoming these people, they each have their own personality. I am not doing so well at this mothering thing. I am trying to do right. But in the back of my mind I just feel like a failure. These kids don't come with instruction books ya know.


• And finally there has been this ever growing journey with Christ. He finally has a secure place in my heart and world. My life is changing so rapidly and yet so slowly. I have lost old friends and have gained new. I have been praying so hard all the time. I am teaching the kids about God and the bible. We are going to church every Sunday. When something bad happens in my life I no longer blame God but I ask him to be with me to get through it. I no longer blame him for things in my life, I thank him. I am thankful for the grace of God. I know that he does not make bad things happen but the bad decisions I make do have consequences. I know in the end it will be God who I report to. I am not perfect and I am still on this crazy journey.

And that about sums everything up. I promise I am going to be better at this blogging thing. I feel better when I write. I just need to do it more often. Thanks all for listening....till next time

(oh, btw, I did spell check on this and I only misspelled ONE word!!! New record for me!!!)

Just a bunch of mumbo jumbo....

I wish I had more time to give my little ole blog. I am constantly thinking of blog posts in my head, I can just never seem to make them happen. So, again, this blog is going to be a hodge podge of things.

*The boys birthdays are coming soon. Chase will be 5 on November 6th and Landon will be 6 on November 29th. Crazy!! We are having a huge bowling party which of course I am spending way too much money on. Oh well...life goes on. I never really had parties growing up so I make sure my kids have blow out parties. I know what you are all thinking and I don't care. I just want to give my kids things I never had and yes I may over do it but the kids love it.

*Started my new 9 month bible study this week. Matt is doing it with me and so far it's been awesome. We both complete it separate then get together on Friday nights to discuss. Last night it took us 2 HOURS to go over 8 questions!!! This is going to be a great study. Basically we are taking the basics and looking deeper into them. I am so excited to do this with my husband. I think this is going to take our relationship to a whole new level.

*That is pretty much it right now. All I seem to do is eat, work, sleep and clean. That is my life.

Talk to you guys soon!!!