Sunday, March 25, 2012

And Life Goes On........

Life has been extremely crazy since my mom and step dad were arrested. Here is a summary of events:

Got a job.

Quit said job.

Got new job.

Sister and her 2 kids moved in. Making our house have 2 five year olds, a 6 year old, a 7 year old, a 8 year old and a 9 year old. Plus me, Matt and my sister.

Rearranged alot to make her kids a "bedroom". Which consisted of moving things, cleaning, and begging and buying 3 mattresses, 3 box springs, and frames.

Did I mention 6 kids live here now??? Did I mention they were all on spring break this week?? Did I mention how crazy things are???

Don't get me wrong, I truly love have my sister and the kids here. I think they are better off here. I think my sister can make it through all this with my family's help. I think she is a strong women who had some bad breaks. I think she needs someone to quide her and to push her.

Truth be told, I am scared to do that. Last time I tried we didn't speak for such a long time and just put a HUGE rift in our relationship.

I just want her and the kids to be happy and healthy (mentally and physically). And I am trying to set a good example for her.

My life up until about 2 years ago was difficult. I had alot of issues from the past that I needed to deal with. I need guidance and direction. I needed someone to hold me accountable. I needed someone to be there for me, to listen, to cry to, to scream at, to vent.

**sidebar** I remember the one Sunday, my morning was everything so wrong. The kids were crazy and bad, I was a hot mess with anger and stress. I actually took my boys to church covered in marker with no shoes. I dropped them off in their classes without signing them in. I was walking to the lobby and I saw Debbie, she asked me how I was doing and I COMPLETELY lost it. I mean I was pretty much hysterical. Crying, sobbing, snot, barely understood what I was saying. But Debbie sat there, listened. She didn't feel sorry for me. She walked me through my melt down. And then she prayed for me. Right there, out loud. I don't think anyone has actualy prayed for me right in front of me before. At first it felt weird. God has so many other people who need prayers more then me, but she prayed for me, just me. I remember after we said Amen, this sense of peace came over me. And I just knew I was going to be ok. I knew it. It's funny how people don't realize the impact you have on their lives. Debbie is like an angel here on earth. I know she was put here to minister to women, all kinds of women.

Through my church I have found all this. And all it took was one woman to take the time to talk to me. Well, two women actually. They took the time and guided me to a path that I have never been on. They gave me advice when I needed it (and sometimes when I didn't ask). They have been there through all the good, the bad and the ugly.

I was completely lost. They helped me find my shining light. They helped me find my footing.

After I was saved, I signed up for a Transformation / mentor program at church. It was a program geared to help "new" christians well, um, transform their lives. I met with my mentor once a week. I was able to talk to Karen about ANYTHING. I asked her some many questions about religon, the bible, Jesus and God. I asked some of the dumbest questions but never once did I ever feel dumb for asking. She just sat there and answered them. I was able to learn about God's word and his plans for me through Karen. After some time I was able to trust and believe her. (I have a hard time trusting) She was there to benefit me, she was there becuase she wanted to, not because she had to. It was then when I truly felt like someone loved me unconditionly.

Whew..that was a mouth full. But back to my point. My point is, I want someone to do that for my sister. I want her to see her full potential. I want someone to believe in her. I want her to know that she is loved regardless of anything she has done or been. I want her to the know the everlasting love of God the way I do. I want it so badly.

In closing (cause it sounds all offical) pray for us, all of us. Pray for my sister. Pray for my nieces and nephew. Pray for their father. Pray for all of us.