Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Just need to vent for a sec.....

Life is sucky right now...just plain sucky.

I am feeling so overwhelmed with things right now.

I feel like everything is catching up to me.

I feel like I am going to fall and fall hard.

I am so angry right now. I am angry at everything. All I want to do it sit in bed and eat.

These past few months have been a trying time for me and my family. We lost our house, moved, my dad died, fighting with family and now another event has totally set me back in my recovery from the abuse I endured as a child. I am not able to openly speak about it yet but as soon as I can, believe me, I am going to be writing and writing.

I feel so trapped and helpless. I am trying to rely on God right now. I have been praying and praying for relief from these feelings but I think the devil has a tight grip on me right now.

I feel myself slipping further down each day. I think I am going to lose it.

I need help but don't know where to turn. I am ashamed and embarrassed to talk to my friends at church. I feel like I will be judged and they will look down on me.

I feel like I am going to be called crazy. I feel crazy. I feel lost. I feel empty.

2 comments:

Erin said...

Ugh. I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
What works for me:
-Have faith in yourself, you faced worse and will face worse and you are strong enough to get thru this time.
-Notice all the beautiful things in your life: the smell of nature and fresh cut grass, the warm sun, unsollicited kisses and I love yous from your children, good food, better wine, warm blankets, the sounds of peaceful snoring and knowing that those around you can snore in peace for they know you are watching over them.
Hope this helps.
-Smile. Life is good and these feelings are just validating that you are indeed alive and breathing.

Heather said...

I know you wrote this post a few weeks ago, but I wanted to know if you needed an ear please feel free to email me domesticextraordinaire @ gmail dot com

I think of you often since you left a comment on my blog this past winter. I pray for you lots and wonder what you are up to.

You have been very heavy my heart today and I am glad that I was prompted to check your blog out.

Again, if you need an ear I am happy to lend you mine along with my shoulder as well.

((hugs)) it will get better. I promise.