Sunday, May 16, 2010

My Dad is Gone



My dad and I had a strained relationship to say the least. But in the end he was my dad.

My dad died Friday May 14th around 930am. The Akron Police Dept found him dead on he side of the road near Wolf Ledges. He was walking, collapsed and someone called 911, he was dead before the first responding officer arrived.

My dad has been a drug and alcohol addict for as long as I can remember. He was in and out of our lives, mostly out. I have seen him a hand ful of times since becoming an adult.

The last time I saw him was September 2007. I met him at the Haven of Rest (a local homeless shelter) where he was staying. We walked to the park behind the building and talked for about 2 hours. My dad has never lied to me. He always told me he was a bad father. He told me to always felt guilty and he knew he couldn't control his addictions. I am not saying what he did was right and because he told me the truth that it erases the pain but at least I know that he knew he screwed up.

Throughout planning his funeral I am finding out so much about this man. My dad has been involved in many community services, mostly CSS, to get back on his feet. My dad has been clean and sober since September 2009. He took regular drug test and has passes. His caseworker help him get disability and an apartment. My dad finally did it. He finally got clean. He was turning his life around.

His CSS caseworker told me that he has been looking for us (me, my sister and brother) for about 3 months. She look on Facebook and Myspace and did many Internet searches, but not knowing our married names made it hard. His caseworker finally did find my mom and they were planning on going to my moms house this upcoming week. Just one more week and I could of seen my dad. Just one more week.

This whole process has been unreal. Everything from talking to the Medical Examiners office to sitting for 2 hours in the funeral home and planning out his funeral. I feel like an adult finally. This is just too much.

I am sad, very sad. I kinda wish I didn't know my dad was getting clean for us and that he talked about us all the time to his caseworker. I will never have a relationship with the clean and sober dad I have always wanted. I will never have that.

Regardless of what my dad to us growing up he is still my dad and I still love him. He still deserves an amazing and proper funeral. I will never forget what I had to go through with him but I will forgive him.

If you would like to see the obituary, please go to Ohio.com and search for Gary L Robinson Sr.

No matter what anyone says he left this world as a good man. He did it, he finally did it and I am so proud of him.

2 comments:

Erin said...

Sounds like his last gift to you was peace.
And what a beautiful gift it is.

Mad Woman said...

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry to hear about this...and sorrier still that it took me a week to make it around to here to find out. I suck.

((HUGS)) to you...and I'm thankful that you know that he was really trying to make a go of it.