Sunday, May 16, 2010

My Dad is Gone



My dad and I had a strained relationship to say the least. But in the end he was my dad.

My dad died Friday May 14th around 930am. The Akron Police Dept found him dead on he side of the road near Wolf Ledges. He was walking, collapsed and someone called 911, he was dead before the first responding officer arrived.

My dad has been a drug and alcohol addict for as long as I can remember. He was in and out of our lives, mostly out. I have seen him a hand ful of times since becoming an adult.

The last time I saw him was September 2007. I met him at the Haven of Rest (a local homeless shelter) where he was staying. We walked to the park behind the building and talked for about 2 hours. My dad has never lied to me. He always told me he was a bad father. He told me to always felt guilty and he knew he couldn't control his addictions. I am not saying what he did was right and because he told me the truth that it erases the pain but at least I know that he knew he screwed up.

Throughout planning his funeral I am finding out so much about this man. My dad has been involved in many community services, mostly CSS, to get back on his feet. My dad has been clean and sober since September 2009. He took regular drug test and has passes. His caseworker help him get disability and an apartment. My dad finally did it. He finally got clean. He was turning his life around.

His CSS caseworker told me that he has been looking for us (me, my sister and brother) for about 3 months. She look on Facebook and Myspace and did many Internet searches, but not knowing our married names made it hard. His caseworker finally did find my mom and they were planning on going to my moms house this upcoming week. Just one more week and I could of seen my dad. Just one more week.

This whole process has been unreal. Everything from talking to the Medical Examiners office to sitting for 2 hours in the funeral home and planning out his funeral. I feel like an adult finally. This is just too much.

I am sad, very sad. I kinda wish I didn't know my dad was getting clean for us and that he talked about us all the time to his caseworker. I will never have a relationship with the clean and sober dad I have always wanted. I will never have that.

Regardless of what my dad to us growing up he is still my dad and I still love him. He still deserves an amazing and proper funeral. I will never forget what I had to go through with him but I will forgive him.

If you would like to see the obituary, please go to Ohio.com and search for Gary L Robinson Sr.

No matter what anyone says he left this world as a good man. He did it, he finally did it and I am so proud of him.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Just a Quickie......

Life has been INSANE these past 2 weeks.

We have finally got all moved. I can't wait to post pictures but by the time I clean up and get ready to take pictures the kids have destroyed my house.

Moving day went REALLY well. Since we have been moving for month, all we had on moving day was the big stuff. Matt picked the truck up at 8am, they started loading about 815am, and it was all unfreakin loaded at 11am!!! We had everything put away and most of the stuff hung up by 5pm. We actually had time to go out for Mexican, a trip to Lowes and Walmart and we all got showers and chilled. Sunday we spent the day finishing hanging stuff, organizing the basement and doing odds and ends. If we ever move again I am doing it this way. It was so easy and non stressful.

I did have one breakdown on moving day. We loaded up everything and I was the last one to leave because I stayed and I did one last walk through. I got into my car and started bawling. I have not cried that hard in a loooooonnnnnnggggg time. I had so many thoughts and emotions running through my body. I was sad to see our first house go. I was upset because we mis managed money and we lost the house. I was sad to see the memories stay and we left. I was scared of the new house and the new life. So of course I tried to call my husband and no answer, I tried calling my best friend and no answer. So I just drove, barley unable to see, I just drove. I pulled into the new house and I know I looked like a big mess. No one said anything to me but I know they saw it. Even though we did everything we could to keep our house I still feel like the worlds biggest failure.

So let's move on to more happier things. I finally start my DAY SHIFT job on May 24th! I am beyond excited. I feel this was a great move for me and I know I am totally going to kick ass.

Well, I am running out of steam but I just have one more little thing to share with you. A few weeks ago our Director of Services (the big wig) sent out an email asking for a paragraph on the mom, grandma, aunt, or special woman in our lives. She wanted to send them a Mothers Day card from our agency. So here is what was sent to my grandma (the best woman in the entire world) My grandma is my world. My grandparents practically raised me because my mom couldn't. SO here's in the awesome Mothers Day card from my work (Battered Women's Shelter of Summit and Medina Counties)


Dear Irene;

A few weeks ago, I told the staff of the Battered Women’s Shelter that they could send me a story about their Mothers, Sisters or Grandmothers and that I would then forward a special Mothers Day Card to each of them.

Therefore it is with enormous gratitude that I am sending this card to with you with wishes for the Happiest Mothers Day from Kelly. We are so blessed to have a staff member like your grand-daughter on our team.

They say that the “apple does not fall far from the tree”. So with that in mind………..

- I thank you for Kelly’s kindness………….she is always looking for ways to help and support other staff and our clients,
- I thank you for Kelly’s sense of humor……she makes us smile at every turn, even when the topics are heavy and serious she can find a way to smile,
- I thank you for Kelly’s desire to better herself…………she always listens and accepts the constructive supervision offered by her supervisors,
- I thank you for Kelly’s sense of initiative………..whenever there is something needing done she see’s it and jumps right in to start the work,
- I thank you for Kelly’s empathy skills………..she helps every client to feel a little better for spending time with her,
- I thank you for Kelly’s desire to help others………..she would give the shirt off her back for a person in need,
- I thank you for Kelly’s loyalty…….she believes in this agency and in the people we serve.

You raised a wonderful young woman and I am proud to have her as a member of our staff.
You did so much right with her in her young years that she is now a beautiful and fabulous member of society.

So on this Mothers Day…………….I thank you for your gift to us, your grand-daughter.

Please enjoy these thoughts that Kelly shared with me:

My Grandma has been there for me ever since I can remember. She has been my one stable person my whole life. I will always remember Friday night was the night we ate out, Saturdays were for big breakfast and cleaning. I will always remember how I thought my grandma was the smartest person in the world because she always answered the questions right on Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. She is the one person that holds our entire family together; 6 kids and their spouses, 17 grandchildren and their spouses and 34 great grandchildren. My grandma taught me how important family is and what a family really was. Grandma taught me right from wrong. She taught me how to stand up for my self. She taught me that I have to work hard to get the things I want from life. She taught me relationships and marriage is hard and takes work. She taught me to always try and be the bigger person. I love my grandma like she was my mom. I am the luckiest person in the world to have been able to spend my life with her.

Thank you Irene for being such a great role model for Kelly. Your family is a wonderful example of love.
Have a wonderful Mothers Day,
Terri Heckman, Executive Director