Friday, January 15, 2010

Divorce Day a.k.a Worst Day of My Life

I wasn't sure if I would ever right a post about this but I want to get it out there. I want everyone to know what my divorce was like.

Tim and I met January of 1999. We got married April 2000. Emma came along April 2002 and that's when the big issues started.

We were young, we weren't ready for Emma. We fought. Emma slept with us till she was 14 months. That sure didn't help things in the bed room.

Tim and I separated February 2004. I moved out in March. I got an apartment right above Tim's cousin B and his wife R. BIG MISTAKE.

We were in counseling to help things but Tim had another plan.

Tim would come visit Emma then go down stairs and visit B and R. Pretty soon he was visiting R even when B wasn't home.

I will make a VERY long story short. We filed for divorce in June 2004, our court date was August 5, 2004. R was pregnant with Tim's child by then. So needless to say, B and R got divorced too.

I might want to add that R was one of my best friends. We had been in the same family for years and grew very close. But that's a whole other post.

So D Day came. Our court appointment was at 11:30am. I got up, showered, got ready, put on a nice suit and drove to the courthouse. Tim shows up in his work clothes telling me he just took his lunch break "to get this done".

We were called in and I don't remember a whole lot but I remember standing there bawling my eyes out. It was so hard to believe that this was actually happening. I remember the judge asking me if I was ok enough to do this and I replied "yes" in a low sobbing voice.

The judge asked us about 10 or so questions. He then told us the divorce had been granted and to "have a nice day".

I cried so much. I cried all the way out. Tim did walk me to my car and I cried there. i sat in my car and cried and cried. I wished I had someone there with me, anyone, just someone to hug me and tell me my life is better this way.

As I was driving home all I felt thinking about is all the pain and how much better I would feel if I just drove into a tree or off a bridge.

To this day I have no idea how I made it home to my empty apartment. The next few days the emptiness ate me alive.

It was over. The end. Our family was gone. We were no longer Tim, Kelly and Emma. It was now Kelly and Emma. That was the hardest part was letting go of my family. Things were forever changed. My MIL was not my MIL she was my ex MIL and same for my FIL. It was absolutely crushing to realize all this. I loved all these people. I wanted them in my life and they were all gone. Everything was gone. And he already had someone new and a baby on the way. He had already moved on and was ready for a new life.

I fell into a black hole of alcohol and bad relationships. I did find one relationship and we made it work. He was very supportive of my situation and we worked through my feelings together and now he has been my husband for the past almost 5 years. Yes, I got married very quickly after my divorce. I married May 28, 2005.

I have many reasons, non of them good. I should not have married so quickly but my heart was sad and lonely. I felt like I needed someone to hold me. Someone to go with me to the grocery store. Someone to spend the holidays with. Dumb reasons to everyone else but very really reasons to me.

I am surprised that we made it. I was not even close to healing when we got involved but he was a true gentleman and he helped me heal.

Although I know I would not have healed without the number one healer, God. I became involved in a program at my church, Divorce Care. It was an amazing program. I got to go to class each week with people in my situation. Other people who needed to heal. Without my bible I would of never made it. Since then, I have had tough times but I know the one person I can always look to for support is God. He IS the number one healer.

He has directed me to be a leader in the Divorce Care 4 Kids class. I have been teaching this class for almost 2 1/2 years. And now I think he is changing my direction. It seems like there is an opportunity to teach the adult Divorce Care. I think the men and women in this class could benefit from all I have went through and learned and everything I have been taught at my job as a Crisis Intervention Specialist and Youth Advocate at the Battered Women's Shelter.

I thank God EVERY DAY of my life for everything he has given me. I am so lucky to be a part of his creation. I am lucky for my husband, kids and family. The list could go on and on.......

4 comments:

Sharon said...

Thanks for sharing this... It's amazing how you turned a completely traumatic situation into an opportunity to help others.

Erin said...

I'm in so much admiration of how you made something bad into something good. Beautiful.

Resentful Wife said...

Thank you for sharing your heartbreak. It's sounding pretty familiar to me...I'm walking down that path right now.

Janay Stiles said...

I feel sorry that you had to experience divorce. It must’ve been very hard for you, right? Anyway, at least now you have a new family, a new life, and more hopes to come. Sharing your experience was a touch act because not everyone is strong enough to share the reality. Share yourself and help others get through with the hardships that they are facing. Be a blessing to others!